Christmas cheer generates laughter

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas, which means the carpet in the hall is covered with pine needles and needs to be vacuumed.

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. Santa, just make sure they’re gold.

My ex-husband used to love decorating for the holidays. He especially loved decking the holidays with Holly. She’s the reason we’re divorced now.

When my ex-husband wasn’t decking the halls with holly, he dressed in gay apparel and sang, “Hark” with that Angel Harold.

My boyfriend tried to pick out the star to put on top of my Christmas tree. I told him Kim Kardashian isn’t really a star.

While children are anxiously waiting for Santa, I am waiting for Godot.

Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer might not have a shinny nose if he used Cover Girl products.

The star literally asked to be put on top of the Christmas tree this year. That is because Tom Cruise is too short to climb up there by himself.

When Tom Cruise wishes upon a star, does he wish upon himself or does he wish upon George Clooney?

I decided to stop chasing my dreams and start living them. Well, they run a lot faster than I do.

I used to have a hard time telling people, “No.” That’s how I ended up with twins.

The other day, a kid asked me if I was older than dirt. I said, “No, Dirt is 62.”


PERFORMANCE SCHEDULE

Tuesday, December 10 – 8 pm (theater)
“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
**THIS IS CLOSING NIGHT SHOW FOR THIS CAST

Wednesday, December 11 – 9:30 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available

Wednesday, December 18 – 9:30 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available

Saturday, December 21 –8 pm (standup)
Santa Monica Hostel
Show produced by Howard Berger, national headliner and writer for Rodney Dangerfield
1435 2nd Street
Santa Monica, CA
** PRIVATE SHOW

Friday, December 27 –8 pm (standup)
The Rain Nightclub
Show produced by Spanky the Truth Miller, headliner seen on “The Late Show” with David Letterman
12215 Ventura Blvd
Studio City, CA
** Doors open at 7:30 pm
** Free parking
** $10, includes free admission to after party
** No drink minimum
** Must be 21 years old or older

Wednesday, January 8 – 9:30 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available

Monday, January 13, 2014 – 8 pm (inspirational speaking and standup)
Women Artists Network
Thousand Oaks, CA
** PRIVATE SHOW

Wednesday, January 8 – 8 and 9:30 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available

Wednesday, January 15 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available

Wednesday, January 22 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available

Wednesday, January 22 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available

Wednesday, January 29 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available

Wednesday, February 5 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
 Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available

Love sometimes means having to say, "Goodbye"

NOTE: Unlike my typical weekly posts, this one is not meant to be humorous or even to entertain. I merely want to pay tribute to a friend I lost – a friend who gave me 18 ½ years of love and joy. I only tossed in a couple of jokes to help me cope as I feel and heal. Meanwhile, after much consideration, I have decided to revert back to weekly Wednesday posts beginning next week. Thanks for reading.


I’d like to think I have a big heart – one that’s bigger than Paris Hilton’s inheritance and Kim Kardashian’s butt.

I’d like to think my heart is filled with gold since my jewelry box isn’t.

I’d like to think I always feel empathy for others. But the authentic truth is I have trouble allowing my feelings and my heart to meet.

For the past 18 months, I’ve been working with a spiritual healer because I want to live authentically in my heart. I’m starting to move there from my mind madness. But I still have a lot of coordinating to do with the moving van driver of my soul.

However, I made great strides this week when I had to say “goodbye” to one of my best friends. Her name was Maggie May. She spent 18 years giving me a lifetime – her’s – of unconditional love.

I didn’t want to say “goodbye.” I wanted to believe that was the day when a special cat really had nine lives. But it’s OK because it seems as if she gave me more love and joy in her one lifetime than perhaps nine human friends have given collectively within their lives.

That is not to say people don’t love me because they do. It’s just to say Maggie May was here for a reason and that reason was me.

She just made me think the world revolved around her. It was a cat thing written into her job description.

I met Maggie May in the spring of 1995. She had no identity. In fact, she was being called “Nona” – which stood for “No Name” – by her rescuer, a college student who found and saved two newborn kittens after they were dumped at the University of Texas football stadium in Austin.

Nona was a little bundle of nameless fur who couldn’t see the world. When she and her sister were dumped, neither had opened her eyes for the first time. But these kittens didn’t need to see to know they were needed to teach some humans valuable lessons about love. Somehow they knew they just needed to be. But then again, they were ultimate Zen creatures. They were cats.

Nona had to be rescued a second time within her second month of life. That’s because the college student was moving from San Antonio to Austin where she would attend graduate school. The girl could take all but two of her belongings – Nona and her sister.

This came at a time when I was searching for someone to share my San Antonio apartment. When I decided to adopt one of the kittens, I was delighted to think I found a great roommate – one who wouldn’t leave dirty dishes in the sink or hair in the bathroom drain. But I wondered how I was going to choose the right pet for me.

Fortunately, I didn’t have to make that decision because Nona did the cat thing. She chose me. There was magnetic energy shining from her large, inquisitive green eyes. This beautiful, gray, long-haired tabby wasted no time in giving me her sniff test. And, I passed. OK, Nona actually liked the scent of the spearmint gum she fished from my purse. She definitely had me at first purr.

The first thing I wanted to do when I got her to my apartment was to give my new friend a real name – one she wouldn’t confuse with the disciplinary sounds of “No no!”

The first thing she wanted me to do was learn that all 4 pounds of her were going to rule. I was merely allowed to remain in the castle because she needed a servant.

What did she need from her servant besides human fingers and toes to attack?

She needed a warm lap for an after meal nap.

She needed scratching behind the ears and strokes under the chin. She needed to invent games she would always win.

She needed someone to watch her eat. She needed someone responsive when she begged for a treat.

She needed someone who knew breakfast was served at 4:30 each day. She needed someone who would stop what the person was doing when the cat wanted to play.

She needed a human to be her friend. She needed a companion she could love to her end.

Being a drama queen, I thought such a majestic creature should be named for a character in a Tennessee Williams play. I decided if my pet was on a hot tin roof, she’d be a cat on a hot tin roof. Therefore, Maggie was a perfect name. The May came from the long-standing Texas tradition in which mamas give babies two first names.

Maggie May and I would go through a lot during the next 18 years. We’d survive bouts of cancer, broken limbs and burst ear drums. We’d survive two cross country moves. We’d survive welcoming people in and out of our lives. But we had each other, and that worked for us.

I gained her confidence as a somewhat savvy roommate. But Maggie May learned much faster than I did. In less than a week, she knew the word “treat” started with T. She proved to be trilingual as she responded to “din din” in English, Spanish and German.

She forgave me when I fell short. Sometimes I just didn’t know exactly what “meow” meant. A lot depended on the tone as if Maggie May was communicating in an Asian dialect. Sometimes “meow” meant “feed me.” Sometimes “meow” meant “leave me alone.” Sometimes “meow” meant “stop what you’re doing and spend time with me.” But when Maggie said, “Meow,” it also always meant, “I love you no matter what.”

Maggie May lived most of her adult cathood being larger than life. She was shrewd. She would devour dinner I gave her and then trick my former male companion into refilling the food bowl. Maggie May would lead the way into the kitchen and keep glancing from empty bowl to human and back to the bowl. She obviously inherited her award-winning acting skills from my drama queen background.

We tried putting her on a diet but found little success. We finally decided to just love all 18 pounds of her just as she was.

During the course of my healing journey that began 18 months ago, my life completely changed. I shed weight. I said goodbye to my human mate. I moved to a new apartment and into a new life. Maggie May stayed with me through it all despite her own personal changes.

While my healing continued to become more obvious to the masses, 10 months ago, Maggie May’s health started to decline. She suffered a stroke, which affected her mobility and her ability to jump into her favorite spots – the window sill, my bed, my lap. But she never stopped leaping into my heart.

She later suffered two more strokes and kept losing weight until she dwindled to 4 pounds. I prayed and meditated in search of answers of what to do and what would be best for my friend. Should I choose euthanasia or let her die organically?

Again, Maggie May proved to be the queen in charge. She also once again proved she was much more savvy than me. She consulted my healer who happens to have psychic abilities and the gift to communicate with animals.

Here’s where you can scoff if you want as I really don’t care. I was a skeptic until my healing journey began. Since then, I’ve seen constant evidence that when I quit living in my head and set up residence in my heart, anything and everything is possible because of God’s love.

Maggie May set the ground rules. And she continued to prove, that being the queen and being in charge are not the same as being selfish. She communicated to my healer several things. Maggie May contended she didn’t want to be euthanized. She wanted to travel organically when she checked into her hotel in Heaven. She also didn’t want me to be present as she wanted to cross over with dignity and without the pain of watching my heart bleed.

She was indicating it had always been about the servant instead of the cat.  She just made it appear to be about her because it was a cat thing.  It was part of her job description.

She crossed over on her terms the evening of Sunday, Oct. 13. I was on stage making people laugh but my heart was crying because I somehow knew my friend was gone.

As I told joke after joke and kept getting laughs, my feelings moved from my ego and into my heart. I wanted to hold Maggie May once more. I wanted to tell her again that I loved her just before she breathed her last breath. I wanted to cry.

But she wanted to be in charge. Of course, she got her way because I was a servant and Maggie May was my queen.

She left me the same way she entered my life, as a teacher of what love should be. She made me let her go on her terms – and unconditionally.

To say I’m not sad would be a total lie. But it’s OK. As I continue to mourn for the loss of my friend, my healer just reminded me, “life never ends and love never dies.” When I’m totally healed and move out of my mind and into my heart, I’ll have Maggie May’s memory as a roommate and a constant reminder life is all about love.

 

Rest in peace, Maggie May! I hope they have spearmint gum in Heaven.

Spring 1995 – Oct. 13, 2013

 

SEE ME LIVE

Sunday, October 20 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)

“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Tuesday, October 22 – 8 pm (theater)

“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 23 – 8 pm (theater)

“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage

1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Saturday, October 26 – 7 pm (standup)

** PRIVATE SHOW

Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Little House Recovery Home
Bellflower, CA
**  To hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next function, contact Will or Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

Tuesday, October 29 – 8 pm (theater)

“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Tuesday, November 5 – 8 pm (theater)

“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Monday, January 13, 2014 – 8 pm (inspirational speaking and standup)

** PRIVATE SHOW
Women Artists Network
Thousand Oaks, CA

 

Halloween horror stories involve Congress

** Due to a hectic production schedule, Nancy Jo will begin updating this site each Monday.  Thanks for reading.  Until next week, keep laughing.

It is not too early to start selecting your Halloween costume.  I want to go as the scariest person on Earth.  But it’s hard to pick just one member of Congress.

Halloween ain’t as fun as it used to be – especially since my neighbors now make me trick or treat online.

Last Halloween, I performed standup comedy at a private party in a haunted house.  It was awful.  Every time I told a joke, the ghostly residents booed.

Things always go bump in the night at my house.  But that doesn’t mean the place is haunted.  It means I run into stuff if I’m not wearing my glasses.

Republicans didn’t seem to have any trouble shutting down the government.  It’s too bad they can’t seem to shut the mouths of Rush Limbaugh and Michele Bachmann.

In October 1889, Thomas Edison showed the first motion picture.  It was a silent film.  Afterwards, he said, “If you want sound, buy one of my phonographs.”

After Thomas Edison showed the first motion picture, critics reported, “His bird shadows on that wall were great.  But, he needs to work on his bunny ears.”

The Peanuts gang celebrated Charlie Brown’s birthday this month.  Shroeder said he’ll provide entertainment if the arthritis isn’t flaring in his fingers.

Last year, the little red-haired girl attended Charlie Brown’s birthday party.  All I can say is she desperately needed a dye job.

I can’t prove this, but I’m pretty sure Charlie Brown’s teacher spoke English as a second language.

People told me I need to do a lot more writing on the fly. But, I refuse to do that because the fly won't stay still.

There's a good reason fish don't eat guacamole. They don't want to be green in the gills.

 

SEE ME LIVE

Wednesday, October 9 – 8 pm (theater)

“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20

**  Bring your own refreshments

**  Valet parking available

Sunday, Oct. 13 – Noon (standup)

** Fundraiser
Christian Community Church
11030 La Maida St
North Hollywood, CA  91601

Sunday, October 13 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)

“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Tuesday, October 15 – 8 pm (theater)

“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 16 – 8 pm (theater)

“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Sunday, October 20 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)

“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Tuesday, October 22 – 8 pm (theater)
“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 23 – 8 pm (theater)

“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Saturday, October 26 – 7 pm (standup)

** PRIVATE SHOW
Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Little House Recovery Home
Bellflower, CA
**  To hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next function, contact Will or Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

Tuesday, October 29 – 8 pm (theater)

“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Tuesday, November 5 – 8 pm (theater)

“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Monday, January 13, 2014 – 8 pm (inspirational speaking and standup)

** PRIVATE SHOW
Women Artists Network
Thousand Oaks, CA

Living a heavy-duty lifestyle

I am an over-achiever.  I set out to achieve the weight of 125 pounds.  I made it to 144 pounds.

Hollywood is the only place on Earth where you are expected to be light in weight to be a heavy weight.

I came to Hollywood to become larger than life.  I figured I could do it because my butt was almost as large as Kim Kardashian’s.

People in Hollywood are obsessed with weight.  If you believe the experts, two out of three people are really three out of four.

I recently lost 120 pounds.  I got a divorce.

They say what goes up must come down, but that usually doesn’t apply to bank interest payments or weight.

My agent said I’d be more marketable if I dropped a few pounds.  But, I have no desire to go shopping in England – not until the exchange rate gets better.

My agent said I’d be more marketable if I dropped a few pounds.  I sure hope so because if I drop those pounds on my feet, I’m going to need the money to hire a podiatrist.

I have set a weight loss goal for myself.  I’m proud to say that when I stepped on the scales this morning I reached my idea weight.  I also exceeded it by 21 pounds.

I hired a personal trainer and told him I want to look like a size zero Hollywood starlet next month.  After he finished scoffing, I told him it could happen if I hold down the starlet and stuff her with pizza.


SEE ME LIVE

Sunday, September 29 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)
“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 2 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Saturday, October 5 – 8 pm (theater)
“Wonder Women – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Sunday, October 6 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)
“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 9 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Sunday, October 13 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)
“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 16 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Sunday, October 20 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)
“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 23 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Saturday, October 26 – 7 pm (standup)
** PRIVATE SHOW
Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Little House Recovery Home
Bellflower, CA
**  To hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next function, contact Will or Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

Monday, January 13, 2014 – 8 pm (inspirational speaking and standup)
** PRIVATE SHOW
Women Artists Network
Thousand Oaks, CA

Just how old is dirt?

A kid just told me I was older than dirt.  He said he knew that to be a fact because Dirt is the kid's 5-year-old brother.

My friend said I should be ashamed to admit my age.  But I'm not.  I love going into restaurants and getting the senior citizen discount.

Although I'd like to think I'm still young, I did join AARP – the Anti-Arthritic Remedy Program.

It's now hip for people to go around calling older women, "Mama."  I hate that.  But grandma just won't stop.

They say God gives everyone free will.  I wish God would tell my attorney that because that lawyer tried to charge me $500 for a will.

Miley Cyrus is scheduled to host "Saturday Night Live".  The show's writers are elated.  They said they don't need to write jokes for her because her costumes are funny enough.

Rodents in the Massachusetts state capitol are chewing up senators' microphone wires and causing such a nuisance that elected officials can no longer keep candy in their desk drawers.  And all this time, I thought voters were responsible for bringing in the rats.

A U.S. Senate panel approved a measure to design a journalist.  The definition is:  "Tattletale."

If you think two heads are better than one, you obviously have a better hairdresser than Donald Trump.

Next time someone tells me it isn't in the cards, I'm going to accuse them of stacking the deck.

SEE ME LIVE

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Wonder Women" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 15 – 8 PM (Sketch and Standup)

"Sketch-Up" – Directed by Chris Berube

TreStage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $15 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 – 9:30 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Wonder Women" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 – 8 PM (Sketch and Standup)

"Sketch-Up" – Directed by Chris Berube

TreStage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $15 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Wonder Women" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 – 8 PM (Sketch and Standup)

"Sketch-Up" – Directed by Chris Berube

TreStage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $15 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 2 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 9 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 16 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 23 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 26 – Details to come (Standup)

Million Laughs Clean Comedy Show

** PRIVATE SHOW -- Little House Recovery Home

Bellflower, CA

If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next function, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

MONDAY, JANUARY 13, 2014 – 8 PM (Inspirational Speaking & Standup)

Women Artists Network

** PRIVATE SHOW

Thousand Oaks, CA

Smart phones are educating our world

** NOTE: Due to a demanding performance schedule, beginning this week, Nancy Jo's Jokebox will be updated each Thursday instead of on Wednesday as in the past.  Thanks for reading and keep laughing. 

A stitch in time may save nine.  But nine what?  And why can't they save themselves?

It's been said a penny saved is a penny earned.  But I've yet to find a bank that offers such a good return on my investment.

Have you ever had those days where everything seems annoying?  For me those days were called August.

I just love living in Hollywood.  Everyone there has a dream that's bigger than life, bigger than Paris Hilton's bank account and bigger than Kim Kardashian's butt.

Education Secretary Arne Duncan said teenagers could get the most from their classroom time if school districts started classes later in the day.  I think they'd get more from their classroom time if they just paid attention and stopped texting.

The reason smart phones are so smart is because even almost every student takes a phone to school.

Scientists at the University of Minnesota's Center for Applied Research and Education Improvement contend teenagers' brains have a different biology than brains of other humans.  I guess that proves teenagers aren't human!

Medical professionals recommend students get between 8 ½ and 9 ½ hours of sleep the night before class.  If studying long hours is making them tired, they should hire me.  For $8 an hour, I'll take a nap for them."

People are complaining because some of the newer smart phones are going to be larger than those currently on the market.  The complainers just don't want us to be able to see all the grammatical errors in their poorly written texts.

The soon to be released Samsung Galaxy S5 is supposed to be foldable.  Critics say that option may be gambling with simplicity.  If I were a gambler, I'd bet the smart phone is smart enough to let the texters know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em.

SEE ME LIVE

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 7 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Wonder Women" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 8 – 8 PM (Sketch and Standup)

Garret Morris's Downtown Blues & Comedy Club

618 S Broadway

** Note New Address for Venue – Club is inside Les Noces Du Figaro

** $5

www.bluesandcomedy.com

213-841-3541

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11 – 8 PM & 9:30 pm (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Wonder Women" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 15 – 8 PM (Sketch and Standup)

"The Sketch Comedy Show" – Directed by Chris Berube

TreStage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 18 – 9:30 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Wonder Women" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 22 – 8 PM (Sketch and Standup)

"The Sketch Comedy Show" – Directed by Chris Berube

TreStage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Wonder Women" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 – 8 PM (Sketch and Standup)

"The Sketch Comedy Show" – Directed by Chris Berube

TreStage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 2 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 9 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 16 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 23 – 8 PM (Theater)

"Angel Academy" – Written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

1523 N La Brea

Hollywood, CA

** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo

** Agents get in free by showing industry card

** Valet parking for $3-5