President Obama is celebrating his 50th birthday. A lot of parties are being held because of him. He said he is grateful, but he can do without the Tea Party.
Democrats urged the president to get his AARP card for his birthday. They contend AARP stands for Always Anti-Republican Party.
Liberal Democrats suggested Obama celebrate his birthday by doing unto Congress as Congress has done unto him – refuse to support them.
The president's daughters wanted to take him to the circus for his birthday. But he said he was tired of watching elephants perform stupid human tricks.
Queen Elizabeth declined her invitation to the president's birthday party because she didn't want to wear a silly hat.
Michele Bachmann planned to attend Barack Obama's birthday party until she realized the invitation stated: "We'll have a GAY old time."
Sarah Palin never planned to attend the president's birthday bash. She said she can see all the festivities from her back yard.
Donald Trump declined his invitation to the president's party because The Donald didn't want the party hats to mess up his hair.
Sasha is glad Donald Trump isn't attending her dad's birthday party. She has been worried that The Donald would fire the pastry chef before the cake was served.
The president wanted to have free donkey rides for all the kids attending his party. But, Joe Biden refused to cooperate.
The president said he looks forward to blowing out all 50 candles because it will give him a politically correct excuse to blow off smoke.
Showing posts with label Donald Trump. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Donald Trump. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Congress should visit Oz
Members of Congress should set aside the debt ceiling and take a vacation. I suggest they visit Oz so they can ask the wizard for courage, hearts and brains.
Barack Obama's birthday is coming up in a few days. He said he isn't hiring a clown for his party, but Joe Biden plans to attend any way.
Joe Biden plans to pose as a clown and twist inflated balloon animals at President Obama's birthday party. While the vice president has never done this before, he believes he can do it because he's seen a lot of twisted Congress members with inflated egos.
The president hopes his family hires a magician to perform at his party because he would like to learn how to saw a few Republicans in half.
For birthday presents, Barack Obama is hoping he'll get a new copy of his birth certificate. The one he has is getting worn out by showing it to everyone upon demand.
Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for hiring a model who looks like her. All I can say is be safe people. Pick a different Kardashian to portray this Halloween.
A spokesperson for Miss Kardashian said, "When the battle between Old Navy and Kim is over, she hopes to own the Navy. She loves men in uniforms."
Donald Trump should be glad he's not Elmer Fudd. If Donald was Elmer, he couldn't tell people they were fired. But he could tell them they were "histowee."
But if Donald Trump was Elmer Fudd, he'd have better looking hair.
Elmer Fudd just got a Twitter account. His first message to Buggs Bunny said, "Tweet me with wespect."
Barack Obama's birthday is coming up in a few days. He said he isn't hiring a clown for his party, but Joe Biden plans to attend any way.
Joe Biden plans to pose as a clown and twist inflated balloon animals at President Obama's birthday party. While the vice president has never done this before, he believes he can do it because he's seen a lot of twisted Congress members with inflated egos.
The president hopes his family hires a magician to perform at his party because he would like to learn how to saw a few Republicans in half.
For birthday presents, Barack Obama is hoping he'll get a new copy of his birth certificate. The one he has is getting worn out by showing it to everyone upon demand.
Kim Kardashian is suing Old Navy for hiring a model who looks like her. All I can say is be safe people. Pick a different Kardashian to portray this Halloween.
A spokesperson for Miss Kardashian said, "When the battle between Old Navy and Kim is over, she hopes to own the Navy. She loves men in uniforms."
Donald Trump should be glad he's not Elmer Fudd. If Donald was Elmer, he couldn't tell people they were fired. But he could tell them they were "histowee."
But if Donald Trump was Elmer Fudd, he'd have better looking hair.
Elmer Fudd just got a Twitter account. His first message to Buggs Bunny said, "Tweet me with wespect."
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Politicians provide paradise for comedy writers
Sarah Palin's e-mails have been released to media. My favorite is the one she wrote in early December 2007 that said, "Dear Santa, please bring me a vice presidential nomination so I can get a book deal and reality show."
Donald Trump is once again considering the possibility of a presidential campaign. He already has a lot of supporters. They're are called comedy writers.
A Connecticut company plans to release two Anthony Weiner action figure dolls. One is a plain doll. The other is a more expensive, anatomically correct version that comes with an active Twitter account.
This week, President Barack Obama announced a new effort to eliminate government waste and named Joe Biden to lead the effort. Obama even offered to help pack the vice president's bags.
Prince Philip celebrated his 90th birthday this week. His party guests didn't blindfold him for the Pin the Tail on the Donkey game. They knew he wouldn't get close to the donkey, but they told Camilla to hide.
While misquoting the Constitution, Michele Bachmann said she wanted to give Constitution lessons. This proves that those who can do and those who can't teach.
The Colorado couple who tried to cash in on publicity by letting their son float away in a silver hot-air balloon are trying to auction the balloon to raise money for earthquake and tsunami recovery efforts in Japan. They said their son will deliver the money in a gold hot-air balloon.
It's the second time the couple tried to auction the famous silver balloon. They said the first round of bids were low and fraudulent. They also said something about finding gold in a pot or kettle they called black.
When I was in college, I didn't understand the point of joining a sorority because it was all Greek to me.
My husband suggested we spend several hundred dollars to take the entire family to Hawaii for have a nice, stress free, relaxing vacation. I suggested we save money and just get a single one-way ticket for my mother-in-law.
Donald Trump is once again considering the possibility of a presidential campaign. He already has a lot of supporters. They're are called comedy writers.
A Connecticut company plans to release two Anthony Weiner action figure dolls. One is a plain doll. The other is a more expensive, anatomically correct version that comes with an active Twitter account.
This week, President Barack Obama announced a new effort to eliminate government waste and named Joe Biden to lead the effort. Obama even offered to help pack the vice president's bags.
Prince Philip celebrated his 90th birthday this week. His party guests didn't blindfold him for the Pin the Tail on the Donkey game. They knew he wouldn't get close to the donkey, but they told Camilla to hide.
While misquoting the Constitution, Michele Bachmann said she wanted to give Constitution lessons. This proves that those who can do and those who can't teach.
The Colorado couple who tried to cash in on publicity by letting their son float away in a silver hot-air balloon are trying to auction the balloon to raise money for earthquake and tsunami recovery efforts in Japan. They said their son will deliver the money in a gold hot-air balloon.
It's the second time the couple tried to auction the famous silver balloon. They said the first round of bids were low and fraudulent. They also said something about finding gold in a pot or kettle they called black.
When I was in college, I didn't understand the point of joining a sorority because it was all Greek to me.
My husband suggested we spend several hundred dollars to take the entire family to Hawaii for have a nice, stress free, relaxing vacation. I suggested we save money and just get a single one-way ticket for my mother-in-law.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
When World Ends, Go Out Laughing
Some guy named Harold Camping is predicting Jesus will return on May 21. That's good planning on his part. That's just in time to get a week's worth of invitations to Memorial Day Weekend barbecues.
If you're planning on inviting Jesus to your holiday BBQ, you might want to change your menu to include beef ribs.
There has been a lot of speculation as to why Katie Couric's last day as CBS News anchor is May 19. I think she figures why stay since there will be nothing to report when the world ends May 21.
The guy who predicted May 21 is the end of the world is a fool. We all know May 25 is Oprah's last show.
May 21 will be Judgment Day for some people. The legal term for these people is defendants.
My world as a comedy writer almost came to an end May 16 when Donald Trump announced he wasn't running for president. But then I remembered, his hair will always be funny.
The Sahara Casino in Las Vegas closed this week because they weren't making any money. They should have waited a few days. All the people preparing for the end of the world on May 21 would have dropped money there on May 20 since they can't take it with them.
Since leaving office as governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger has been fighting for green energy. But he's going to lose that battle because his divorce settlement will require him to give Maria Shriver his green power.
I keep getting an e-mail that says "Apply for financial aid before it's too late." Then I read the age limitations to qualify and discovered I'm already too late by 13 years.
If you're planning on inviting Jesus to your holiday BBQ, you might want to change your menu to include beef ribs.
There has been a lot of speculation as to why Katie Couric's last day as CBS News anchor is May 19. I think she figures why stay since there will be nothing to report when the world ends May 21.
The guy who predicted May 21 is the end of the world is a fool. We all know May 25 is Oprah's last show.
May 21 will be Judgment Day for some people. The legal term for these people is defendants.
My world as a comedy writer almost came to an end May 16 when Donald Trump announced he wasn't running for president. But then I remembered, his hair will always be funny.
The Sahara Casino in Las Vegas closed this week because they weren't making any money. They should have waited a few days. All the people preparing for the end of the world on May 21 would have dropped money there on May 20 since they can't take it with them.
Since leaving office as governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger has been fighting for green energy. But he's going to lose that battle because his divorce settlement will require him to give Maria Shriver his green power.
I keep getting an e-mail that says "Apply for financial aid before it's too late." Then I read the age limitations to qualify and discovered I'm already too late by 13 years.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
No Easter egg hunts for Donald Trump
President Obama reported earning $1.7 million last year, which is down from $5.5 million in 2009. This year, he hopes to reduce his income by $1.69 million so he can pay higher taxes.
The Arizona Legislature wanted to pass a bill that would allow presidential candidates without birth certificates to show other documents such as proof of circumcision. They should demand that of Congress members because they're the people screwing us.
If Donald Trump is elected president, unemployment will rise. After all, he's the guy who appears on TV every week just to fire people.
Donald Trump decided not to host an Easter egg hunt this year because he doesn't want to urge children to count their chickens before they hatch.
The Donald refuses to count chickens before they hatch because they have to hatch before they can get a birth certificate.
Donald Trump doesn't believe in putting all his eggs in one basket. He believes in putting them all in that nest thingie on his head.
I don't need a watch dog. My cat looks out for me. Every time she hears a bird, she looks out the window.
Every morning, I get to hear these wonderful song birds perched in a tree outside my window. I love those birds. And, those birds love my car.
I walked past a downtown building with an outside designated smoking area adjacent to the fire exit. I figure if you don't die of smoke inhalation while trying to escape, it will get you on the way out.
My mother-in-law isn't very computer literate. She thinks Windows is something I never wash.
The Arizona Legislature wanted to pass a bill that would allow presidential candidates without birth certificates to show other documents such as proof of circumcision. They should demand that of Congress members because they're the people screwing us.
If Donald Trump is elected president, unemployment will rise. After all, he's the guy who appears on TV every week just to fire people.
Donald Trump decided not to host an Easter egg hunt this year because he doesn't want to urge children to count their chickens before they hatch.
The Donald refuses to count chickens before they hatch because they have to hatch before they can get a birth certificate.
Donald Trump doesn't believe in putting all his eggs in one basket. He believes in putting them all in that nest thingie on his head.
I don't need a watch dog. My cat looks out for me. Every time she hears a bird, she looks out the window.
Every morning, I get to hear these wonderful song birds perched in a tree outside my window. I love those birds. And, those birds love my car.
I walked past a downtown building with an outside designated smoking area adjacent to the fire exit. I figure if you don't die of smoke inhalation while trying to escape, it will get you on the way out.
My mother-in-law isn't very computer literate. She thinks Windows is something I never wash.
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