Wednesday, January 26, 2011

When only second best will do

Most people want the best money can buy. But with today's economy, sometimes you have to settle for second best. For example, when life hands me a lemon, I no longer make lemonade. I make the lemon be its own aide.

These days I don't believe in putting on the Ritz. I endorse putting on the Saltine.

When I go to McDonald's I no longer order a Happy Meal, I order a contented meal.

Instead of paying for the Super Bowl, I get a cheap plastic cereal bowl.

I'm told I will have to work until May this year to afford to pay my taxes. But, I'm going to have to work until July to afford to fill my car's gas tank.

Gas prices are so high, I'm thinking of buying a hybrid. I found a good deal on a used one fueled by feet and a pterodactyl.

In an effort to save money and preserve gasoline, I joined the company carpool. I save a lot since I'm self-employed and work at home.

Speaking of being self-employed, last spring I organized a company softball team. I didn't get picked. But, that's OK because the uniform would have made me look fat.

Right now, I'm suing myself for sexual harassment. But believe me, I'm innocent. I was just trying to wipe the cat fur off my dress.

The good thing about being self-employed is I can show up late for work and still be there when the boss arrives.

Since I do have my own business, I'm going to take the opportunity to advertise. So if working long hours is making you tired, hire me! For $20 an hour, I'll take a nap for you.