I’ve already broken my New Year’s resolution to love my neighbor. I had every intention of doing that, but his wife had me served with a restraining order.
Actually, I only made one New Year’s resolutions this year. It was not to make any.
I knew better than to make a New Year’s resolution to drop a few pounds. Hey, I know me. I have no intention of going shopping in England – not until the exchange rate gets better.
Vidal Sassoon used to say, “If you don’t look good, I don’t look good.” I guess he stopped saying that because he thought we looked like crap.
A lot of people strongly believe men should not marry men. Well if you listen to 95 percent of the married women I know, women also shouldn’t marry men.
I read ingredient lists because I like to know what is in my food. I learned bromate potassium, which is an agent to help bread rise, is often used in flat bread.
This kid asked me if I was older than dirt. I said, “No, Dirt is one year, seven months, two weeks, four days, eight hours, 52 minutes and 47 seconds older than I am.
January 3 is National Festival of Sleep Day. I imagine die-hard fans spend the year dreaming of this.
January 21 is Squirrel Appreciation Day. I probably won’t celebrate because I’m not sure I will ever appreciate some of the members of Congress.
January 27 is National Punch the Clock Day. I refuse to observe it because I don’t want to hurt my knuckles.
January 30 is National Inane Answering Message Day. My message will be: “Hi! If you’re a bill collector, leave your address. I have a huge pile of bills I can send you to add to your collection.
SEE ME LIVE:
Wednesday, January 8 – 8 & 9:30 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Friday, January 10 –8 pm (standup)
The Rain Nightclub
Show produced by Spanky the Truth Miller, headliner seen on “The Late Show” with David Letterman
12215 Ventura Blvd
Studio City, CA
** Doors open at 7:30 pm
** Free parking
** $10, includes free admission to after party
** No drink minimum
** Must be 21 years old or older
Monday, January 13, 2014 – 8 pm (inspirational speaking and standup)
Women Artists Network
Simi Valley, CA
** PRIVATE SHOW
Wednesday, January 15 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Wednesday, January 22 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Wednesday, January 22 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Wednesday, January 29 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Wednesday, February 5 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $30 – contact me in advance and I can get you in for $15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Saturday, February 22 – TBD (theater)
“Midnight Cry”
Fox Theater
Pomona, CA
** Details to come
