Wednesday, March 9, 2011

March madness prevails

The Hair Club for Men said if I joined I can recover all my hair in six weeks. Hey, I can recover all my hair in seconds if I clean out the shower drain.

I may be a tad over weight, but I am proud to say I do not have a muffin top. I have a sheet-cake top.

While I was on hold with the cable company's customer service department, I listened to a recording that said they could better serve me if I was ready with my account number, credit card and a translator who speaks Punjabi.

I received an e-mail ad to get some belly busting tips. The bad news is the offer had strings attached. The good news is I now own a corset.

Finders keepers, losers weepers except when my mother-in-law gets lost.

Actually, I look up to my mother-in-law. I have ever since she stole my stilts.

I asked my mother-in-law what I should get my husband for his birthday. She said I should give him a divorce.

My husband asked if I thought he would make a good baby doctor. I said "No, because you haven't been a baby for 40 years."

When I was a kid, I wanted a pet lizard. But, my mom said she didn't want any reptiles in her house. I didn't get that. She let my brother-in-law in and he's an insurance salesman.

When I was a kid, my mom made me take Flintstones Vitamins. I hated that. I was afraid I'd grow up looking like Barney Rubble.