1. I'm thankful I have better hair than Donald Trump.
2. I'm thankful the GOP presidential candidates will continue to say stupid things so I'll have joke fodder.
3. I'm thankful I earn so little money that I'll get to stimulate the economy by paying more income taxes.
4. I'm thankful Piers Morgan won't be around to ever tell me my standup act is terrible.
5. I'm thankful professional football teams have gorgeous cheerleaders so I can get a couple of hours of peace from my husband.
6. I'm thankful for every gray hair I painted red.
7 I'm thankful I can't see Russia from my backyard. Otherwise, I'd be living next door to Sarah Palin.
8. I'm thankful a fifth-grader is smarter than most current presidential candidates because that means there is hope for our future.
9. I'm thankful I've never been nominated for an Oscar so I don't have to be thankful for everyone I've ever met.
10. I'm thankful I'm old enough to know better but young enough not to care.