September 8 is National Date Nut Bread Day. I celebrated that last year and refuse to do it again. That nut bread didn't even thank me for taking it to dinner.
September 13 is National Defy Superstition Day and National Fortune Cookie Day. I think I'll defy superstition by eating a fortune cookie.
California recently had a swarm of earthquakes. Some people are worried it's leading up to the big one. But it was just the response to the news of Snookie becoming a mom.
Some people think the Republicans are being punished by the hurricane because God is angry. They are being punished, but it's because they're cursed with witches brew made with the eye of Newt Gingrich.
Donald Trump didn't go to the Republican Convention. Everyone is blaming it on Hurricane Isaac. The Donald didn't want the storm to blow off his hair.
I'm kind of sad he didn't show up because he was supposed to deliver a surprise. He was going to tell everyone that Mitt Romney has a great chance of winning if he gets votes from all the Kardashians.
I'm just joking. The surprise was he was going to announce he wanted to fire all the Democrats in Congress.
Everyone is saying things are a lot quieter than at past GOP conventions. That's because the speakers who did show up are even more boring than Donald Trump.
The Donald wants to change the meaning of GOP from Grand Old Party to Good Obdurate Profiteers.
Does dressing for success mean having to have Donald Trump hair?
SEE ME LIVE:
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 1- 1:30 pm
Million Laughs Show
Park Regency Retirement Residence
La Habra, CA
* Private show
** NOTE: For information to book the Million Laughs Comedy Troupe for your charity fundraiser or corporate event, contact Will or Yvonne Morton at www.Millionlaughs.com