Wednesday, May 18, 2011

When World Ends, Go Out Laughing

Some guy named Harold Camping is predicting Jesus will return on May 21. That's good planning on his part. That's just in time to get a week's worth of invitations to Memorial Day Weekend barbecues.

If you're planning on inviting Jesus to your holiday BBQ, you might want to change your menu to include beef ribs.

There has been a lot of speculation as to why Katie Couric's last day as CBS News anchor is May 19. I think she figures why stay since there will be nothing to report when the world ends May 21.

The guy who predicted May 21 is the end of the world is a fool. We all know May 25 is Oprah's last show.

May 21 will be Judgment Day for some people. The legal term for these people is defendants.

My world as a comedy writer almost came to an end May 16 when Donald Trump announced he wasn't running for president. But then I remembered, his hair will always be funny.

The Sahara Casino in Las Vegas closed this week because they weren't making any money. They should have waited a few days. All the people preparing for the end of the world on May 21 would have dropped money there on May 20 since they can't take it with them.

Since leaving office as governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger has been fighting for green energy. But he's going to lose that battle because his divorce settlement will require him to give Maria Shriver his green power.

I keep getting an e-mail that says "Apply for financial aid before it's too late." Then I read the age limitations to qualify and discovered I'm already too late by 13 years.