Next week is Thanksgiving. I'm thankful I won't be cooking. And everyone who has ever tasted my cooking is even more thankful I'm not cooking.
In November 1620, pilgrims aboard the Mayflower just off the Massachusetts coast signed a document calling for a "body politick". The natives misunderstood, thinking they were invited to a "bawdy potluck". They called the feast Thanksgiving because they got to unload all that multi-colored corn.
President Barack Obama is facing a major dilemma. Earlier this week, he looked into the faces of members of Congress and said, "I'm not sure any of these turkeys deserve to be pardoned this Thanksgiving."
The president's concern about which turkey to pardon this year caused a flap on the House floor, causing Barack Obama to respond, "Stop ruffling your feathers Nancy Pelosi, you're still in the running."
President Barack Obama said this year he might pardon three turkeys – Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachmann and Nancy Pelosi. The president said, "Women and children first."
As the president pondered which turkey to pardon, he said, "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush. But the problem is we've already had two Bushes."
While President Obama verbalized his options, House Speaker John Boehner got miffed and interrupted. "Pardon me, Mr. President. . ." But before he finished his statement, the president said, "John, that ain't gonna happen."
Barack Obama still has less than fond memories of his Thanksgiving dinner last year with the Biden family. When the president started carving the turkey, Joe Biden yelled, "Ouch! Where can I get a form to file for workman's comp?"
As the Obamas and Bidens ate Thanksgiving dinner last year, they asked everyone around the table what they were thankful for that year. The vice president said, "I'm thankful for everything except these miniature onions in the peas."
After Thanksgiving dinner last year, the president secretly wished Congress would support his policies. But he knew that was never going to happen because Sasha ended up with the long end of the wish bone.
SEE ME LIVE
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 18 – 6 PM
Unurban Coffee House
3301 Pico Blvd
Santa Monica, CA
** Call the venue about cover charges and items required for purchase
** It's a small place so get there early
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 21 – NOON
Private Show – Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Veteran's Hospital Spinal Cord Unit
Long Beach, CA
**If If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28 – 6 PM
Private Show – Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Veteran's Hospital Blind Center
Long Beach, CA
** If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com
