Wednesday, October 3, 2012

That's open for debate Mr. Candidate

A high school principal in Tooele, Utah, spent the past few days apologizing to dozens of students turned away from the homecoming dance for wearing skirts above the knee. And those students just included the boys.

Mitt Romney says his plan to slash taxes another 20 percent for the wealthy will generate the same amount of revenue that is being generated now. That's true because 20 percent of zero is zero.

Paul Ryan said sometimes points don't get made the right way. Maybe he should turn his compass around so North points upward.

Mitt Romney wants to extend the deadline for receiving ballots from overseas voters. Does this mean now that he's outsourced jobs, he wants to outsource voting?

Mitt Romney supporters said Barack Obama has failed to adequately juice up the U.S. economy. The president's staff said that's a lie. The economy gets juiced every day when June Shannon buys large quantities of Mountain Dew and Red Bull for Honey Boo Boo's Go-Go Juice.

Ann Romney said having five boys makes Mitt well prepared for presidential candidate debates. Mrs. Romney said that means her husband will do well as long as he doesn't have to stop and ask for directions.

Federal government officials said September ended with an 8.1 percent unemployment rate. That figure is expected to climb to 11.9 percent by this time next week because two couples are going to be voted off "Dancing With the Stars."

The federal government is now flying Mexican deportees back across the border. Officials are imposing a luggage law though – all deportees must fit safely and securely in the overhead bin.

Smithsonian Channel executives decided not t show air a documentary on a papyrus fragment showing Jesus had a wife because some people don't think Jesus had a wife. For their next act, the opponents are going to demand to see Jesus's birth certificate.

I can't prove this, but I'm pretty sure Charlie Brown's teacher spoke English as a second language.

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