Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Life is a numbers game

Human Resources experts believe people are so special they need to be issued personal identification numbers. Yep, I feel special being viewed not as a person but as a number.

Corporate executives constantly say numbers don't lie. But, they probably do if they're cheating on their spouses.

There's strength in numbers. But, if they're over 50, their eyesight is probably starting to fail.

If people are viewed as numbers, we should change America's pastime from baseball to Sudoku.

Age is just a number. But it gives insurance underwriters an excuse to raise your premiums.

I started seeing a counselor after my boss said, "I've got your number." I thought I had a split personality.

My boss's personal ID number is 795793. That's appropriate because he's quite odd.

I'm told referring to people by personal ID numbers can reduce violence in the work place. If that's the case, management should just fire the culprits known as number crunchers.

My boss wanted me to pick nine out of ten. But, I couldn't because ten typed better. (If the boss ever gets sued, he can say, "But judge, we didn't commit identity theft. Nine made a typo.")

My social security number is feeling insecure.

If silence is golden, some of these jokes just made me a millionaire.