If you think God moves in strange ways, you should see me trying to get out of the bathtub.
While having dinner with a friend, I pointed out to the waiter that there was a fly in my soup. He said, "Yeah, Flappy prefers the chicken noodle to the split pea."
There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to take responsibility for her actions. With that said, could you loan me a paper bag to put over my head to hide the bad hair I'm having today.
I'm pretty sure whoever said, "Easy come, easy go," wasn't talking about my ex-husband.
A stitch in time might save nine. But, there is no guarantee you won't rip your britches again.
If at first you don't succeed, I suggest you blame your supervisor.
I had to go to the doctor yesterday, and I didn't get a clean bill of health. They gave me one with spaghetti stains.
They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but so does a lack of health insurance.
Last time I went to the doctor, I had a really bad cold. He said, "Cough it up." Then went I went into a coughing fit, he said, "I didn't mean phlegm. I meant your co-payment."
SEE ME LIVE:
(THIS JUST IN - CHECK BACK TONIGHT FOR FULL DETAILS)
Thursday, May 17
The Palms Bar
Someplace on Santa Monica in West Hollywood
9:30 pm - admission and other details unknown
** Short 4-minute theme show set
THURSDAY, MAY 24 - 9 pm
The L.A. Connection Comedy Theater
Bucket List Comedy Review
13442 Ventura Blvd
Sherman Oaks, CA 91423
818-710-1320
$10 at the door
*(Longer set )
