I wanted to spend the weekend decking the halls with Holly. But Holly said she has other plans.
My roommate wants to deck our halls with boughs of holly. But instead of bows, I'd rather see curtseys.
When I put the star on top of the Christmas tree, I picked a good one. I picked George Clooney.
I believe in living green. So I bought a small artificial Christmas tree this year. It's scented, and it looks really pretty hanging from my rearview mirror.
One disadvantage of being self-employed is the company Christmas party. I always know what I'm getting from my secret Santa. And my boss always knows who spiked the punch.
Last Christmas, I got a divorce. My ex-husband simply never came home after donning his gay apparel and going out to sing "Hark" with that Angel, Harold.
All I want for Christmas this year is a sound proof room where the little drummer boy can practice.
Santa is making it a list and checking itice to find out if I'm naughty or nice. All I can say is, "Santa, naughty is nice."
I love the holidays. December has more than Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanza. For example, December 27 is National Fruit Cake Day. I thought that was every day Congress convenes or whenever there's a party at Elton John's house.
December 30 is National Bicarbonate of Soda Day. Bicarbonate of Soda deserves its own day. Not only does it relieve heartburn and indigestion, it removes odor, it’s a great meat tenderizer and you can use it to polish stuff like silver and that thing on Donald Trump's head.
SEE ME LIVE
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 8 – 2:00 PM
Private Show – Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Whitten Heights Assisted Living
La Habra, CA
** If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com
SUNDAY, DECEMBER 9 – 6:00 PM
Unurban Coffee House
3301 Pico Blvd
Santa Monica, CA
** No Cover or minimum purchase required
** Food, coffee, tea available
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 29 – 8:30 PM
Private Show – Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Substance Abuse Foundation
Long Beach, CA
** If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com
