Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Take her or leave her

I'd love to pack up my troubles and toss them aside. But, my mother-in-law refuses to budge.

Actually, I can take or leave my mother-in-law.  But I'd rather take her far, far away from me.

When I told my husband, "You can't take it with you," he obviously didn't realize I was talking about his mother.

On my birthday this year, my mother-in-law gave me a big surprise party. The surprise was, I wasn't invited.

My mother-in-law said I should be embarrassed to be middle aged. She said that is when I think I still look good in a mini skirt because my eyes don't work well enough to see that I don't.

My mother-in-law said now that I'm middle aged, my hour-glass figure is resembling a Mason jar.

My mother-in-law does everything backwards. I wish I was like her in that respect. Then, I would have backed out of the wedding as soon as I met her.

My mother-in-law is a kleptomaniac. Every time she goes by the state capitol, she picks up a senator.

My mother-in-law is nothing like my mom. As a parent, my mom was perfect – until she had my brother.

I'm told that caring is sharing. With that said, I'd love to share my mother-in-law with you.

My mother-in-law lives in a bad neighborhood. It's so bad residents never take showers. They take blood baths.

My mother-in-law's neighborhood is so bad it insults Don Rickles.

My mother-in-law's neighborhood is so bad guard dogs are prone to get laryngitis.

My mother-in-law's neighborhood is so bad, the only reason little girls are filled with sugar and spice and everything nice is because they rob the donut shop.

Sarah Palin got her history mixed up about Paul Revere. I couldn't believe it. At her age, she should have known Paul Revere was the leader of a very successful rock band.