Wednesday, November 9, 2011

I beg your pardon, Mr. President

President Barack Obama is facing a major dilemma. Earlier this week, he looked into the faces of members of Congress and said, "I'm not sure any of these turkeys deserve to be pardoned this Thanksgiving."

The president's concern about which turkey to pardon this year caused a flap on the House floor, causing Barack Obama to respond, "Stop ruffling your feathers Nancy Pelosi, you're still in the running."

The president asked Congress members to draw straws to see who gets pardoned. Some Republicans said, "We're not drawing anything with a pencil handed to us by a Democrat."

As the president pondered which turkey to pardon, he said, "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush. But the problem is we've already had two Bushes."

While President Obama verbalized his options, House Speaker John Boehner got miffed and interrupted. "Pardon me, Mr. President. . ." But before he finished his statement, the president said, "John, that ain't gonna happen."

Barack Obama still has less than fond memories of his Thanksgiving dinner last year with the Biden family. When the president started carving the turkey, Joe Biden yelled, "Ouch! Where can I get a form to file for workman's comp?"

Michelle Obama told Joe Biden, "I'm glad Barack pardoned a Republican instead of you. Otherwise, he would be under arrest for slitting a throat."

As the Obamas and Bidens ate dinner, they asked everyone around the table what they were thankful for that year. The vice president said, "I'm thankful for everything except these miniature onions in the peas."

After dinner, the president secretly wished Congress would support his policies. But he knew that was never going to happen because Sasha ended up with the long end of the wish bone.

This year's Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons will feature the GOP presidential candidates. But instead of helium, they'll be inflated with egos.