Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Life is proverbial humor

Opera singers are famous for breaking glasses. If you ask me, that ain't anything special. I break glasses all the time when I'm washing dishes.

I love daylight savings time. I don't view it as losing an hour of sleep. I view it as giving up an hour of having to deal with my mother-in-law.

A penny saved is a penny earned, but it's not enough to put you into the 1 percent tax break bracket.

If charity begins at home, feel free to send that penny you earned today to my home.

They say all roads lead to Rome – except Hollywood Boulevard on Oscar night.

It takes two to tango, which is why I'm sticking to the hokey pokey.

If life begins at 40, chances are some of you reading this aren't born yet.

That proverb "no pain, no gain" is nonsense. I felt no pain eating that ice cream, but I gained 13 pounds.

If talk is cheap, why does a psychiatrist charge you $125 an hour?

People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. They should stock up on Windex.

I just spent a week being a cowgirl. It was fun! I particularly liked my six-shooters: Harry, Larry, Gary, Barry, Jerry and Bob.