They eyes of Texas are upon you

If April showers bring May flowers, what does the May flower bring? Itchy eyes, sneezing and other allergy symptoms.

The eyes of Texas are upon you, and in May, they suffer with allergies.

I moved to Los Angeles to become a star. I figured it would be easy to be larger than life because my butt is almost as big as Kim Kardashian's.

Only in Hollywood do you have to be a size zero to become larger than life.

If you think God moves in strange ways, you should see me do Zumba.

I'm moving to a new apartment, so I'm trying to downsize – particularly my hips, waist and thighs.

Actually downsizing has been easier than I thought. I simply started by getting rid of my husband.

I'm glad I'm moving because my current neighborhood is really bad. It's so bad the residents never take showers. They take blood baths.

I told my psychiatrist not to bother sending me a bill. I'm holding out for a Philip, William or a Ralph.

My friend, who loves fairy tales, asked me if I remember the goose who laid the golden egg. I said, "Who can forget Oprah?"

Speaking of nursery rhymes, Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet because all the chairs were taken.

SEE ME LIVE
WEDNESDAY, MAY 8 – 9:30 PM (Theater)
"Reservoir Bitches" – written by Quentin Tarantino directed by Sydne Hebert
TreStage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card
*** If you want Sunday School dialog and fairy tale endings, this show is not for you! But, it's a good one! Then again, the script was written by Quentin Tarantino.
(Due to popularity of this show, ticket prices are now $30. However, you can get a $10 discount if you tell them you came to see Nancy Jo! Go early because seating is first come, first served. Valet parking for $3.)

SUNDAY, MAY 12 – 2 PM (Standup)
Private Event – Mother's Day Show
Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Hillcrest Care Center
Long Beach, CA
** If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe to perform at your next event, contact Will or Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

WEDNESDAY, MAY 15 – 9:30 PM (Theater)
"Reservoir Bitches" – written by Quentin Tarantino directed by Sydne Hebert
TreStage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card
*** If you want Sunday School dialog and fairy tale endings, this show is not for you! But, it's a good one! Then again, the script was written by Quentin Tarantino.
(Due to popularity of this show, ticket prices are now $30. However, you can get a $10 discount if you tell them you came to see Nancy Jo! Go early because seating is first come, first served. Valet parking for $3.)

FRIDAY, MAY 17 – 10:30 PM (Standup)
Nancy Jo's Jokebox
TreStage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $3 for open mic comedians
** $6 cover for audience
** Agents get in free by showing industry card
*** Sign up at 10. Limited to first 10-20 comedians. Acts need to be television
*** NOTE: Comedians who attract paying audience members will get $1 per person – this is rare for an open mic
*** Arrive early as seating also is first come, first served. Valet parking $3.
*** Bring your own snacks and beverages

WEDNESDAY, MAY 22 – 9:30 PM (Theater)
"Reservoir Bitches" – written by Quentin Tarantino directed by Sydne Hebert
TreStage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card
*** If you want Sunday School dialog and fairy tale endings, this show is not for you! But, it's a good one! Then again, the script was written by Quentin Tarantino.
(Due to popularity of this show, ticket prices are now $30. However, you can get a $10 discount if you tell them you came to see Nancy Jo! Go early because seating is first come, first served. Valet parking for $3.)

MONDAY, MAY 27 – 7 PM (Standup)
Comics on the Spot Show
The Warehouse
4499 Admiralty Way
Marina del Rey, CA
** $10 cover or two for one at $5 each
** No minimum item purchase required but amazing seafood food is available
** Valet parking

WEDNESDAY, MAY 29 – 9:30 PM (Theater)
"Reservoir Bitches" – written by Quentin Tarantino directed by Sydne Hebert
TreStage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card
*** If you want Sunday School dialog and fairy tale endings, this show is not for you! But, it's a good one! Then again, the script was written by Quentin Tarantino.
(Due to popularity of this show, ticket prices are now $30. However, you can get a $10 discount if you tell them you came to see Nancy Jo! Go early because seating is first come, first served. Valet parking for $3.)

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 5 – 8 PM (Theater)
"Reservoir Bitches" – written by Quentin Tarantino directed by Sydne Hebert
TreStage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card
*** If you want Sunday School dialog and fairy tale endings, this show is not for you! But, it's a good one! Then again, the script was written by Quentin Tarantino.
(Due to popularity of this show, ticket prices are now $30. However, you can get a $10 discount if you tell them you came to see Nancy Jo! Go early because seating is first come, first served. Valet parking for $3.)

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 12 – 8 PM (Theater)
"Reservoir Bitches" – written by Quentin Tarantino directed by Sydne Hebert
TreStage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card
*** If you want Sunday School dialog and fairy tale endings, this show is not for you! But, it's a good one! Then again, the script was written by Quentin Tarantino.
(Due to popularity of this show, ticket prices are now $30. However, you can get a $10 discount if you tell them you came to see Nancy Jo! Go early because seating is first come, first served. Valet parking for $3.)

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 19 – 8 PM (Theater)
"Reservoir Bitches" – written by Quentin Tarantino directed by Sydne Hebert
TreStage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card
*** If you want Sunday School dialog and fairy tale endings, this show is not for you! But, it's a good one! Then again, the script was written by Quentin Tarantino.
(Due to popularity of this show, ticket prices are now $30. However, you can get a $10 discount if you tell them you came to see Nancy Jo! Go early because seating is first come, first served. Valet parking for $3.)

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 22 – 8 PM (Theater)
"Reservoir Bitches" – written by Quentin Tarantino directed by Sydne Hebert
TreStage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card
*** If you want Sunday School dialog and fairy tale endings, this show is not for you! But, it's a good one! Then again, the script was written by Quentin Tarantino.
(Due to popularity of this show, ticket prices are now $30. However, you can get a $10 discount if you tell them you came to see Nancy Jo! Go early because seating is first come, first served. Valet parking for $3.)