Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Looking at Life Through My Rear View Mirror

It's been said, "Once you leave, there's no turning back." But being one who likes to buck the system, here are the top 10 things I discovered while looking at life through my rear-view mirror.

10. I witnessed a male passenger apply makeup to a female driver stopped at a stoplight. I'm not sure, but I think it might have been Kathy Griffin and one of her gays.

9. I saw a man with a blue tooth picking something from something green from between his teeth.

8. I saw a sign that stated: "Please use the crosswalk." I think that's what it said, but I'm not sure because it was hidden by some guy who was jay walking.

7. I saw red flashing lights. Yep, the jay walker got busted.

6. I saw some red-eyed dude igniting something green. I'm assuming it was the spinach discarded by the guy with the blue tooth.

5. I saw someone's grandmother driving slower than me in the fast lane.

4. I saw a woman get her hair caught when she rolled up her driver's side window. Guess what color hair she had. Yep, it was red. I know because I still have a bald spot.

3. I saw a pillar of salt turn into a human.

2. I didn't see you because you were driving in my blind spot.

1. I saw everything I wouldn't have seen had I been doing what I was supposed to be doing – keeping my eyes on the road in front of me.