I’d like to think I have a big heart – one that’s bigger than Paris Hilton’s inheritance and Kim Kardashian’s butt.
I’d like to think my heart is filled with gold since my jewelry box isn’t.
I’d like to think I always feel empathy for others. But the authentic truth is I have trouble allowing my feelings and my heart to meet.
For the past 18 months, I’ve been working with a spiritual healer because I want to live authentically in my heart. I’m starting to move there from my mind madness. But I still have a lot of coordinating to do with the moving van driver of my soul.
However, I made great strides this week when I had to say “goodbye” to one of my best friends. Her name was Maggie May. She spent 18 years giving me a lifetime – her’s – of unconditional love.
I didn’t want to say “goodbye.” I wanted to believe that was the day when a special cat really had nine lives. But it’s OK because it seems as if she gave me more love and joy in her one lifetime than perhaps nine human friends have given collectively within their lives.
That is not to say people don’t love me because they do. It’s just to say Maggie May was here for a reason and that reason was me.
She just made me think the world revolved around her. It was a cat thing written into her job description.
I met Maggie May in the spring of 1995. She had no identity. In fact, she was being called “Nona” – which stood for “No Name” – by her rescuer, a college student who found and saved two newborn kittens after they were dumped at the University of Texas football stadium in Austin.
Nona was a little bundle of nameless fur who couldn’t see the world. When she and her sister were dumped, neither had opened her eyes for the first time. But these kittens didn’t need to see to know they were needed to teach some humans valuable lessons about love. Somehow they knew they just needed to be. But then again, they were ultimate Zen creatures. They were cats.
Nona had to be rescued a second time within her second month of life. That’s because the college student was moving from San Antonio to Austin where she would attend graduate school. The girl could take all but two of her belongings – Nona and her sister.
This came at a time when I was searching for someone to share my San Antonio apartment. When I decided to adopt one of the kittens, I was delighted to think I found a great roommate – one who wouldn’t leave dirty dishes in the sink or hair in the bathroom drain. But I wondered how I was going to choose the right pet for me.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to make that decision because Nona did the cat thing. She chose me. There was magnetic energy shining from her large, inquisitive green eyes. This beautiful, gray, long-haired tabby wasted no time in giving me her sniff test. And, I passed. OK, Nona actually liked the scent of the spearmint gum she fished from my purse. She definitely had me at first purr.
The first thing I wanted to do when I got her to my apartment was to give my new friend a real name – one she wouldn’t confuse with the disciplinary sounds of “No no!”
The first thing she wanted me to do was learn that all 4 pounds of her were going to rule. I was merely allowed to remain in the castle because she needed a servant.
What did she need from her servant besides human fingers and toes to attack?
She needed a warm lap for an after meal nap.
She needed scratching behind the ears and strokes under the chin. She needed to invent games she would always win.
She needed someone to watch her eat. She needed someone responsive when she begged for a treat.
She needed someone who knew breakfast was served at 4:30 each day. She needed someone who would stop what the person was doing when the cat wanted to play.
She needed a human to be her friend. She needed a companion she could love to her end.
Being a drama queen, I thought such a majestic creature should be named for a character in a Tennessee Williams play. I decided if my pet was on a hot tin roof, she’d be a cat on a hot tin roof. Therefore, Maggie was a perfect name. The May came from the long-standing Texas tradition in which mamas give babies two first names.
Maggie May and I would go through a lot during the next 18 years. We’d survive bouts of cancer, broken limbs and burst ear drums. We’d survive two cross country moves. We’d survive welcoming people in and out of our lives. But we had each other, and that worked for us.
I gained her confidence as a somewhat savvy roommate. But Maggie May learned much faster than I did. In less than a week, she knew the word “treat” started with T. She proved to be trilingual as she responded to “din din” in English, Spanish and German.
She forgave me when I fell short. Sometimes I just didn’t know exactly what “meow” meant. A lot depended on the tone as if Maggie May was communicating in an Asian dialect. Sometimes “meow” meant “feed me.” Sometimes “meow” meant “leave me alone.” Sometimes “meow” meant “stop what you’re doing and spend time with me.” But when Maggie said, “Meow,” it also always meant, “I love you no matter what.”
Maggie May lived most of her adult cathood being larger than life. She was shrewd. She would devour dinner I gave her and then trick my former male companion into refilling the food bowl. Maggie May would lead the way into the kitchen and keep glancing from empty bowl to human and back to the bowl. She obviously inherited her award-winning acting skills from my drama queen background.
We tried putting her on a diet but found little success. We finally decided to just love all 18 pounds of her just as she was.
During the course of my healing journey that began 18 months ago, my life completely changed. I shed weight. I said goodbye to my human mate. I moved to a new apartment and into a new life. Maggie May stayed with me through it all despite her own personal changes.
While my healing continued to become more obvious to the masses, 10 months ago, Maggie May’s health started to decline. She suffered a stroke, which affected her mobility and her ability to jump into her favorite spots – the window sill, my bed, my lap. But she never stopped leaping into my heart.
She later suffered two more strokes and kept losing weight until she dwindled to 4 pounds. I prayed and meditated in search of answers of what to do and what would be best for my friend. Should I choose euthanasia or let her die organically?
Again, Maggie May proved to be the queen in charge. She also once again proved she was much more savvy than me. She consulted my healer who happens to have psychic abilities and the gift to communicate with animals.
Here’s where you can scoff if you want as I really don’t care. I was a skeptic until my healing journey began. Since then, I’ve seen constant evidence that when I quit living in my head and set up residence in my heart, anything and everything is possible because of God’s love.
Maggie May set the ground rules. And she continued to prove, that being the queen and being in charge are not the same as being selfish. She communicated to my healer several things. Maggie May contended she didn’t want to be euthanized. She wanted to travel organically when she checked into her hotel in Heaven. She also didn’t want me to be present as she wanted to cross over with dignity and without the pain of watching my heart bleed.
She was indicating it had always been about the servant instead of the cat. She just made it appear to be about her because it was a cat thing. It was part of her job description.
She crossed over on her terms the evening of Sunday, Oct. 13. I was on stage making people laugh but my heart was crying because I somehow knew my friend was gone.
As I told joke after joke and kept getting laughs, my feelings moved from my ego and into my heart. I wanted to hold Maggie May once more. I wanted to tell her again that I loved her just before she breathed her last breath. I wanted to cry.
But she wanted to be in charge. Of course, she got her way because I was a servant and Maggie May was my queen.
She left me the same way she entered my life, as a teacher of what love should be. She made me let her go on her terms – and unconditionally.
To say I’m not sad would be a total lie. But it’s OK. As I continue to mourn for the loss of my friend, my healer just reminded me, “life never ends and love never dies.” When I’m totally healed and move out of my mind and into my heart, I’ll have Maggie May’s memory as a roommate and a constant reminder life is all about love.
Rest in peace, Maggie May! I hope they have spearmint gum in Heaven.
Spring 1995 – Oct. 13, 2013
SEE ME LIVE
Sunday, October 20 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)
“Sketch Up”TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Tuesday, October 22 – 8 pm (theater)
“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris BerubeNext Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Wednesday, October 23 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La BreaHollywood, CA
$20
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Saturday, October 26 – 7 pm (standup)
** PRIVATE SHOW
Million Laughs Clean Comedy TroupeLittle House Recovery Home
Bellflower, CA
** To hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next function, contact Will or Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com
Tuesday, October 29 – 8 pm (theater)
“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris BerubeNext Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Tuesday, November 5 – 8 pm (theater)
“Metro Med” – written and directed by Chris BerubeNext Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
** Bring your own refreshments
** Valet parking available
Monday, January 13, 2014 – 8 pm (inspirational speaking and standup)
** PRIVATE SHOWWomen Artists Network
Thousand Oaks, CA
