St. Patrick’s Day is Monday March 17. If Irish eyes are smiling and the world seems bright and gay, does this mean people won’t celebrate if they’re against same-sex marriage?
A lot of people strongly believe men should not marry men. Well if I listen to 99 percent of the married women I know, women also shouldn’t marry men.
Speaking of St. Patrick’s Day, if the luck of the Irish was really lucky, that leprechaun wouldn’t need to wait until after it rained to find pots of gold.
Last year, I learned the hard way that you can still get pinched on St. Patrick’s Day if the green you’re wearing happens to be spinach between your teeth or guacamole on your lapel.
There’s a good reason fish don’t eat guacamole. They don’t want to be green in the gills.
We’re currently in the midst of the Lent. I observed it yesterday when I cleaned that little tray in the clothes dryer.
I didn’t see the point in going to church on Ash Wednesday. At my house, Ash Wednesday is any Wednesday if I’m cooking dinner.
I decided not to give up anything for Lent. It is simply too difficult to give up writing jokes about stupid politicians.
People tell me I’m too critical of members of Congress. On their behalf, I do realize politicians don’t have all the answers. But how do you solve a problem like Maria? And how do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?
I watched the Academy Awards and I was amazed. All those superb actors can memorize pages and pages of a script. But when some of them give acceptance speeches, they need notes to remember how to say, “Thank you!”
When Jared Leto wishes upon a star, do you think he wishes upon himself or Matthew McConaughey?
I am an overachiever. I hired a personal trainer to get to my idea weight. When I weighed this morning, I discovered I reached it and exceeded it by 32 pounds.
SEE ME LIVE:
Saturday, March 15 – 7 pm (standup)
* Million Laughs – Private Show
Joseph House for men in recovery
Santa Ana, CA
** If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe to perform for your next party or fund-raising event, contact Will and Yvonne Morton: will@millionlaughs.com
Sunday, March 30 – 7 pm (standup)
* Million Laughs – Private Show
Shawl House for women in recovery
San Pedro, CA
** If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe to perform for your next party or fund-raising event, contact Will and Yvonne Morton: will@millionlaughs.com
Saturday, April 26 – 7 pm (theater)
“Midnight Cry” – Written by Danny Wooten
Directed by Danny Wooten and Betty Jewell Slater
Fox Theater
Pomona, CA
* $20 balcony, $30 orchestra
** Tickets available at NewCo Media Center, Pomona, CA
** For info: 877-816-5757
** www.quietfirepro.com
*** Keep checking as a second show may be added
