God isn't the only one who moves in strange ways

I moved to Los Angeles to become a star.  I figured it would be easy to be larger than life because my butt is just as big as Kim Kardashian's.

Almost everyone moves to Los Angeles to become an actor.  If they tell you otherwise, they're only acting.

Only in Hollywood do you have to be a size zero to become larger than life.

If you think God moves in strange ways, you should see me do Zumba.

I may have a muffin top.  But I'm proud of it because I used to have a sheetcake top.

If Number 2 lead pencils are so highly rated, why aren't they called Number 1 lead pencils?

I wouldn't trade my family members for anything in the world.  I'll just give them to you outright as a nice parting gift.

I'm planning to move to a new apartment, so I'm trying to downsize.  I'm thinking I'll start with my hips and waistline.

As a writer, I write every day.  This morning, I wrote a shopping list.

I told my doctor not to bother sending me a Bill.  But, I'll accept a William, a Fred or a Ralph.

SEE ME LIVE:

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 13 – 8 PM (Theater)
"The Angel Academy" – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

SATURDAY, MARCH 16 – 12:45 PM (Standup)
Private Show – Million Laughs
Veterans Hospital Nursing Unite
Long Beach, CA
** If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next event, contact Will and Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

SUNDAY, MARCH 17 – 2:30 PM (Standup)
Private Show – Million Laughs
Hillcrest Care Center
Long Beach, CA
** If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next event, contact Will and Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

SUNDAY, MARCH 17 – 7 PM (Standup)
Private Show – Million Laughs
Whittier First Day
Whittier, CA
** If you would like to hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next event, contact Will and Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

TUESDAY, MARCH 19 – 9:30 PM (Theater)
"Happily Whatever After" – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

SATURDAY, MARCH 23 – 8:30 PM (Standup & Theater)
"Yikes" - Industry Showcase
TresStage Theater (in same complex as Next Stage Theater)
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

TUESDAY, MARCH 26 – 9:30 PM (Theater)
"Happily Whatever After" – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

SATURDAY, MARCH 30 – 8:30 PM (Standup & Theater)
"Yikes"- Industry Showcase
TresStage Theater (in same complex as Next Stage Theater)
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

TUESDAY, APRIL 2 – 9:30 PM (Theater)
"Happily Whatever After" – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

TUESDAY, APRIL 9 – 9:30 PM (Theater)
"Happily Whatever After" – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

TUESDAY, APRIL 16 – 8 PM (Theater)
"Happily Whatever After" – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

TUESDAY, APRIL 23 – 8 PM (Theater)
"Happily Whatever After" – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

TUESDAY, APRIL 30 – 8 PM (Theater)
"Happily Whatever After" – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card

TUESDAY, MAY 7 – 8 PM (Theater)
"Happily Whatever After" – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage Theater
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
** $20 cash only – tell them you came to see Nancy Jo
** Agents get in free by showing industry card