Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Why grow up when you can grow out?

Mine eyes have seen the glory – and it looks a lot like George Clooney.

I refuse to grow up. Growing out is much more fun because you get to eat pizza.

A stitch in time may save nine, but it will not guarantee you won't rip your britches again.

If at first you don't succeed, do what Congress does – blame Barack Obama.

Critics are accusing some of the presidential candidates of flip flopping. I'm also a clumsy flip-flopper. Every time I try to flip, I flop.

Some Florida scientists have determined babies engage in lip reading to learn to speak their first words. Some infants were exposed to television during the study, and their first words were: "Defeat Obama."

Newt Gingrich called President Obama the "Food Stamp" president. Obama responded by saying, "Not for long if Congress shuts down the Postal Service."

No one is sure who is behind the Super Pacs funding Republican presidential candidate hopefuls. However, there's a rumor that one Super Pac includes Ringling Brothers executives because they have always supported professional clowns.

Since the GOP presidential candidate won't be official until after the Republican Convention, instead of the South Carolina primary, analysts should focus on the voting of more pertinent matters such as who was the worst-dressed at the Golden Globes.

Most of the presidential candidates have wives that are so beautiful they could be trophy wives. The candidates would be more representative of the populace if a few of them had consolation-prize wives.

1 comment:

  1. OMG!! This is hilarious stuff. You should write for Bill Maher and political comedy. GREAT STUFF!!