Why be worldly when you can be wordly?

The first time I read the dictionary, I realized my Scrabble opponents cheat.

The first time I read the dictionary, I didn't understand the plot.

The first time I read the dictionary, I got a low grade on a book report because it was too wordy.

The first time I read the dictionary, it was that Saturday night when I realized I have no life.

The first time I read the dictionary, I realized my husband's nickname for me isn't as nice as he says it is.

My neighbor accused me of being a hick. But, I have you know I'm a worldly hick. I can read. In fact, I just finished reading a really good book that was written by a doctor. The name of it is "Green Eggs and Ham."

A lot of people believe in life on other planets. Well, I never believed in UFOs until last week. I looked in my freezer and found all kinds of unidentified frozen objects.

I love being self-employed. It's the only way I can be elected employee of the month 11 consecutive months. My cat wins in December for her great paper-shuffling ability.

Since I am self-employed, I'm going to take a second to plug my business: "If working long hours is making you tired, hire me! For $15 an hour, I'll take a nap for you." (Just don't tell my husband I sleep around.)

I understand that Vanna White is getting ready to release a country song that will make her a big star. It's got a really catchy chorus that goes, "E-I-E-I-O"! All vowels!

I grew up in a nice, quiet neighborhood. At night it was so quiet, all you could hear were mockingbirds imitating gunfire and sirens.