Top Ten Things I'm Thankful for this Thanksgiving:

1. I'm thankful for every gray hair I painted red.

2. I'm thankful I'm not Donald Trump's hairdresser because I'd have to fire myself.

3. I'm thankful I've never been nominated for an Oscar so I don't have to be thankful for everyone I've ever met.

4. I'm thankful for pro choice – although it's tough trying to decide if I want my burger with or without fries.

5. I'm thankful I'm not Kim Kardashian because I get all my basketball players confused.

6. I'm thankful I'm not Mitt Romney or come February, I'd be denied the right to pay taxes.

7. I'm thankful professional football teams have gorgeous cheerleaders so on Monday nights I can get a couple of hours of peace from my husband.

8. I'm thankful I'm already an adult so I don't have to worry about growing up to be Honey Boo Boo.

9. I'm thankful I have a Smart Phone and a Smart Car so I don't have to make any decisions.

10. I'm thankful I'm old enough to know better but young enough not to care.

SEE ME LIVE:

SATURDAY - NOVEMBER 24 - 7 PM
Host - Open Mic Tribal Cafe Beverly
3253 Beverly Blvd
Los Angeles, CA
** Sign up from 6:30-8:30 PM
** Show starts promptly at 7 PM
** No cover, no minimum purchase -- but healthy food is available

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 25 - 6 PM
Unurban Coffee House - Back Room Stage
3301 Pico Blvd
Santa Monica, CA
**  Free admission
**  Coffee & food available -- but you're not obligated to purchase anything

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28 – 2 PM
Private Show – Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Veteran's Hospital Spinal Cord Unit
Long Beach, CA
**If If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28 – 6 PM
Private Show – Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Veteran's Hospital Blind Center
Long Beach, CA
** If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 8 – 2:00 PM
Private Show – Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Whitten Heights Assisted Living
La Habra, CA
** If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 29 - 8:30 PM
Private Show - Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Substance Abuse Foundation
Long Beach, CA
** If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com