"CSI Can't Believe It's Really Over"

"CSI Miami" is being canceled by network executives. When making the decision, the execs said, "You still have 'CSI New York,' 'CSI Las Vegas' and 'CSI Can't Believe It's Not Butter.' "

If you think God moves in strange ways, you should see me trying to get out of the bathtub.

While having dinner with a friend, I pointed out to the waiter that there was a fly in my soup. He said, "Yeah, Flappy prefers the chicken noodle to the split pea."

There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to take responsibility for her actions. With that said, could you loan me a paper bag to put over my head to hide the bad hair I'm having today.

I'm pretty sure whoever said, "Easy come, easy go," wasn't talking about my ex-husband.

A stitch in time might save nine. But, there is no guarantee you won't rip your britches again.

If at first you don't succeed, I suggest you blame your supervisor.

I had to go to the doctor yesterday, and I didn't get a clean bill of health. They gave me one with spaghetti stains.

They say an apple a day keeps the doctor away, but so does a lack of health insurance.

Last time I went to the doctor, I had a really bad cold. He said, "Cough it up." Then went I went into a coughing fit, he said, "I didn't mean phlegm. I meant your co-payment."

SEE ME LIVE:

(THIS JUST IN - CHECK BACK TONIGHT FOR FULL DETAILS)
Thursday, May 17
The Palms Bar
Someplace on Santa Monica in West Hollywood
9:30 pm - admission and other details unknown
** Short 4-minute theme show set

THURSDAY, MAY 24 - 9 pm
The L.A. Connection Comedy Theater
Bucket List Comedy Review
13442 Ventura Blvd
Sherman Oaks, CA 91423
818-710-1320
$10 at the door
*(Longer set )