Top Ten Things Not to Say to Editors, Publishers and Agents

1. If you've got the money, honey, I've got the lines.

2. I'd love to tell you what my book is about, but it's a mystery.

3. I'm an experienced ghost writer. I've written scores of newspaper obituaries.

4. My goal is to be a cowboy poet. It's been my lifelong dream to be named poet lariat.

5. My book is great for bedtime reading. Just ask my husband. He fell asleep reading the first page.

6. If I wanted to show and not tell, I'd write picture books.

7. My autobiography captures me from top to bottom. It has a weak beginning, an ample middle and a huge end.

8. When it comes to choosing a publisher, forget Doubleday. I'm holding out for Tripleday.

9. My book is so good it makes "Harry Potter" look like kid stuff.

10. I don't believe in making every word count. But I think they should be encouraged to sing, dance and do Pilates.