Give thanks for TSA scans

I've decided to invite Sarah Palin to my house this year for Thanksgiving Dinner. I figure she won't eat that much because she'll arrive full – of herself.

Last Thursday, we celebrated the Great American Smoke Out and vowed to live in a smoke-free house from here on out. That means I'm not allowed to cook Thanksgiving Dinner.

Every year at this time, the President of the United States pardons a turkey. I don't think President Obama should even bother this year because the turkeys in Congress sure aren't pardoning him.

I'm thinking the TSA security scan system should be added to health care reform. Radiologists could be hired to read the new scans, and while they're checking air travelers for weapons, they can also screen for medical ailments.

People are concerned about being touched by an agent when they go through the TSA scanner. I don't understand the fear. Government officials have been groping people for years, specifically California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Some people are angry that top government officials may be exempt from TSA scans. I don't see the problem because we all know that in many cases the scan will not detect a heart.

I should be embarrassed about the thought of what agents will see when I go through a TSA scanner. Due to all the extra-weight I'm packing, the agent viewing the scan will be the real terrorized victim.

About a thousand rats are awaiting adoption in California after being rescued from a house featured on the A&E reality TV show "Hoarders." I probably won't participate. If I wanted to live with a rat, I'd just move in with my ex-husband.

I don't know why everyone is so upset about the fact Sarah Palin supporters may have created a bloc vote to endorse Bristol Palin as the winner of "Dancing with the Stars." After all, it wouldn't be the first time the Tea Party tried to sway election results.

Some astrologers predict that an unusual alignment of the planets may cause a volatile and unhappy holiday season this year. The planet alignment isn't going to ruin my happiness, but if someone gives me a copy of Sarah Palin's new book, that will do the trick.