Only in October

October is National Vegetarian Month. I plan to celebrate by only eating corn-fed beef.

Since October is National Vegetarian Month, I pledge to stop watching presidential candidate debates since the participants are full of bull.

October 2 is National Name Your Car Day. I'm participating. The new name for my Chevy is going to be Porsche.

Oct. 7 is Bald and Free Day. Gov. Good Hair Perry said he isn't going to celebrate unless the NBA – National Bald Association – contributes $250,000 to his campaign.

Oct. 11 is National It's My Party Day. So go ahead and cry if you want to.

Oct. 12 is National Moment of Frustration Day. For Barack Obama, it will simply be Wednesday.

On Oct. 17, 1931, Al Capone was convicted for income tax evasion. Today, his income would be high enough that he wouldn't have to pay taxes.

Oct. 23 is National Mother-in-Law Day. I plan to celebrate by sending mine home.

Oct. 23 is also National Mole Day. Several GOP presidential candidates don't plan to observe the day. They said, "Why should we celebrate? We're not moles, we're weasels."

Actually, celebrating Mole Day is a good idea. Moles eat worms. Therefore, they can be our secret weapon to fight Congress.

Here's a scary thought for Halloween. Rick Santorum said he supports a permanent corporate tax break because it will lead to manufacturing jobs for all unemployed Americans. Doesn't he know that not everyone will be as efficient as Lucy in the chocolate factory?