Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions for 2012

1. I resolve to stop making jokes about Donald Trump's hair until it strikes me as funny again.

2. I resolve to quit being jealous of Rick Perry's perfect hair because it isn't red enough for me.

3. I resolve not to make fun of Sarah Palin again until maybe next week.

4. I resolve not to make fun of Michele Bachmann until she says something stupid.

5. I resolve not to eat watermelon when it's not in season.

6. I resolve to try not to redecorate my bathroom next time I dye my hair.

7. I resolve to lose a few pounds if someone buys me a ticket to go shopping in England.

8. I resolve to eat less chocolate until I replenish my supply.

9. I resolve to pay taxes until someone gives me $250,000.

10. I resolve to convince my mother-in-law to go home.

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