Newton's Law is flawed

I wish Newton's law of what goes up must come down actually applied to my weight.

I wish Newton's law of what goes up much come down didn't apply to my bank balance.

What's the deal with the cliché: wise as an owl? If owls were really wise, they wouldn't constantly ask, "Who? Who?"

If owls really are wise, they would publish their own book of "Whose Who".

Jack was nimble. Jack was quick. But Jack is stupid if he keeps jumping over candle sticks without having health insurance.

Little Bo Peep lost her sheep. She later found them sleeping next to her previously missing car keys.

You will never hear me inviting Little Boy Blue to come blow his horn. I've heard him practice, and he isn't very good.

According to a song, "Big Girls Don't Cry", which explains why it was a boy who cried wolf.

I think God should have issued an 11th commandment: Thou shalt not text while walking across a busy intersection.

You don't have to be convicted of a serious crime to be subjected to cruel and unusual punishment. Just turn on the TV and watch another Republican presidential candidate debate.