Jerry Lewis turned 86 this week. That means Betty White and Larry King are practically his kids.
I'm celebrating my birthday this week by going on a cruise. Last time, I went on a cruise, the ship captain issued gale warnings. He said Gale was evil if she wasn't first in the buffet line.
Quite frankly, I'm glad I'm now in the middle ages. I love getting to wear silly period costumes with pointy hats.
My mother-in-law scratched the idea of giving me a birthday cake this year. She said it would be too much trouble to light all the candles because she'd have to apply for a bon fire permit.
All I want to do on my birthday is get some beauty sleep. But middle age is when you trade in beauty sleep for mediocre-looking sleep.
A former Mr. Universe living in India celebrated his 100th birthday this week. He said even though he reached the century mark, his life has been short lived because he's only 4 feet 11 inches tall.
That 100-year-old Mr. Universe says he eats a healthy diet that includes a lot of milk and rice – stuff he doesn't need dentures to chew.
The Mr. Universe from India said his only regret in his 100-year-long life is he never got to meet Arnold Schwarzenegger. Our hero said that pretty much nixes all hope his birthday gifts will include Arnold's surplus women.
I'm hoping I get to play Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey on my birthday. But I'm not sure my mother-in-law will cooperate.
If I don't get close to my target when I play Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey on my birthday, the reason is Juan Valdez's donkey wouldn't stand still because of all that caffeine.