Who's that sitting in that empty chair?

President Obama said he wants to focus on producing better products and improving exports – specifically he wants to export Republicans in Congress.

Mitt Romney offered a five-point plan to create 12 million jobs. The only drawback is the work force would have a long commute to India.

Clint Eastwood said everyone but the janitor had advice regarding his speech at the Republican National Convention. That's because the janitor is a Democrat.

Clint Eastwood contends he never intended to speak to an empty stool and pretend it was the president. Clint wanted to interview a real person, but it was past Honey Boo Boo's bedtime.

Paul Ryan says states should decide if medical marijuana should be legal, leading some folks to believe Ryan is not against pot, which is why he's the vice candidate.

Bob Woodward's new book, "The Price of Politics", indicates President Obama was so angry with House Republicans regarding a budget agreement that the president wanted to smash a telephone receiver. Obama said that wasn't true because he uses an Iphone.

A lot of people think Paul Ryan is simply talking out of the side of his mouth when he flip flops on the issues. I'd say these people are wrong. Ryan talks out of both sides of his mouth.

Chicago teachers are on strike. Specifically, they're holding out for better pay, job security and a day off with Ferris Bueller.

Mitt Romney took advantage of the Chicago teachers' strike to accuse Barack Obama of rooting for absent educators. Well, those educators aren't absent. They're just invisible like the president was when Clint Eastwood interviewed him.

September 13 is Defy Superstition Day and National Fortune Cookie Day. I think I'll defy superstition by eating a fortune cookie.

SEE ME LIVE
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 29 - 6:30 PMPrivate Show - Million Laughs
Joseph House
Santa Ana, CA
** To book Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your event, contact Will Morton at http://www.Millionlaughs.com

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 13 - 8:30 PMPrivate Show – Million Laughs
Substance Abuse Foundation
Long Beach, CA
** To book Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your event, contact Will Morton at http://www.Millionlaughs.com

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16 - 8 PMBest of L.A. Comedy Showcase
The Comedy Spot Comedy Club/Don the Beachcomber
16278 Pacific Coast Highway
Huntington Beach, CA
DETAILS TO COME
http://wwww.TheComedySpot.net/HB