Resolutions even I can keep!

There is only one thing I hate about New Year's Eve parties. It's called everything.

Here are my Top Ten New Year's resolutions:

1. I resolve not to ask for a tax break until I earn at least $250,000.

2. I resolve to stop writing mean jokes about my mother-in-law because I don't have a mother-in-law.

3. I resolve to stop criticizing Congress until later today.

4. I resolve to eat better food, which means I'm going to stop eating my own cooking.

5. I resolve to let my smart car and smart phone start thinking for themselves.

6. I resolve to stop eating country-fried chicken. From now on, I'm only eating suburban-fried chicken.

7. I resolve to become a vegetarian. I'm easing into it by only eating corn-fed beef.

8. I resolve to stop calling my ex-husband a snake. I'm going to call him a rat because he's a used-car salesman.

9. I resolve to stop making fun of Kim Kardashian. But Kourtney is fair game.

10. I resolve to eat less chocolate until I replenish my supply.

START THE YEAR RIGHT  -- SEE ME LIVE

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 29 - 8:30 PM (STANDUP)
Private Show – Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Substance Abuse Foundation
Long Beach, CA
** If you would like to book Million Laughs for a fund-raiser or private event, contact Yvonne or Will Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

TUESDAY, JANUARY 8 - 7:00 PM (STANDUP)
Comics on the Spot

The Warehouse

4499 Admiralty Way

Marina del Rey, CA

 ** $10 cover admits two

** No item minimum purchase required but food and beverage service is available

THURSDAY, JANUARY 17 - 7:00 PM (STANDUP)
So You Think You're Funny Show
Produced by Cornelius Grant, original musical director for The Temptations
Barbara Morrison Performing Arts Center
4305 Degnan Blvd
Los Angeles, CA
**$10 cover for clean show at 7:00 PM (I'm doing the clean show only)
**$15 cover for clean show at 7:00 PM AND blue show at 10:00 PM
** No item minimum purchase required

OPENING IN JANUARY - WEDNESDAYS DATE TO COME (THEATER)

"Angel Academy" - written and directed by Chris Berube

Next Stage Theater

On La Brea just north of Sunset Blvd in Suite 208 of a shopping center with an ice cream store

** Details later - just make plans to be there for an 8 week run

*** $20 - tell them I sent you