Living a heavy-duty lifestyle

I am an over-achiever.  I set out to achieve the weight of 125 pounds.  I made it to 144 pounds.

Hollywood is the only place on Earth where you are expected to be light in weight to be a heavy weight.

I came to Hollywood to become larger than life.  I figured I could do it because my butt was almost as large as Kim Kardashian’s.

People in Hollywood are obsessed with weight.  If you believe the experts, two out of three people are really three out of four.

I recently lost 120 pounds.  I got a divorce.

They say what goes up must come down, but that usually doesn’t apply to bank interest payments or weight.

My agent said I’d be more marketable if I dropped a few pounds.  But, I have no desire to go shopping in England – not until the exchange rate gets better.

My agent said I’d be more marketable if I dropped a few pounds.  I sure hope so because if I drop those pounds on my feet, I’m going to need the money to hire a podiatrist.

I have set a weight loss goal for myself.  I’m proud to say that when I stepped on the scales this morning I reached my idea weight.  I also exceeded it by 21 pounds.

I hired a personal trainer and told him I want to look like a size zero Hollywood starlet next month.  After he finished scoffing, I told him it could happen if I hold down the starlet and stuff her with pizza.


SEE ME LIVE

Sunday, September 29 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)
“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 2 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Saturday, October 5 – 8 pm (theater)
“Wonder Women – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Sunday, October 6 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)
“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 9 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Sunday, October 13 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)
“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 16 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Sunday, October 20 – 8 pm (standup and sketch comedy)
“Sketch Up”
TreStage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$15
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Wednesday, October 23 – 8 pm (theater)
“Angel Academy” – written and directed by Chris Berube
Next Stage
1523 N La Brea
Hollywood, CA
$20
**  Bring your own refreshments
**  Valet parking available

Saturday, October 26 – 7 pm (standup)
** PRIVATE SHOW
Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe
Little House Recovery Home
Bellflower, CA
**  To hire Million Laughs Clean Comedy Troupe for your next function, contact Will or Yvonne Morton at will@millionlaughs.com

Monday, January 13, 2014 – 8 pm (inspirational speaking and standup)
** PRIVATE SHOW
Women Artists Network
Thousand Oaks, CA