Don't deck the halls with holly

My husband told me he was going to deck the halls with holly tomorrow night. I should be grateful, but I'm not because I thought he stopped seeing Holly.

My husband sure tricked me by donning his gay apparel and saying he was going out to sing, "Hark," with that angel, Harold.

Last weekend, we put up our Christmas tree. It was my turn to put the star on top. If I do say so myself, I chose a terrific picture of Justin Bieber.

I believe in living green. So I bought a small artificial Christmas tree this year. It's scented. And, it looks really pretty hanging from my rearview mirror.

A big selling item this holiday season is the Obama Chia Pet. That proves that all this talk about a green environment has gone to his head.

This is a busy time of the year. Not only do we have to observe Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanza, but I have to get myself psyched up for December 12. That's National Ding-a-ling Day. It's appropriate because it's also when my mother-in-law arrives for the holidays.

Actually, it's fun getting my mother-in-law to help me decorate the yard and the outside of the house. While she's on the roof stringing lights, I love to put the ladder away.

I have no clue what I'm giving my mother-in-law for Christmas. She hated the birthday present I gave her last month. I can't believe she didn't want a Hello Kitty toaster.

She said she expected something bigger and better from me. Then, she got mad when I told her, "But I'm already taken."

My mother-in-law is staying for a month, so I don't have to do anything to get ready to celebrate December 31, which is National Unlucky Day.

Kate Gosselin and her eight kids are going holiday camping with Sarah Palin for an episode of "Sarah Palin's Alaska". To prepare, they attended bear safety school. But, Kate isn't worried because she discovered the best bear repellant on the market – a copy of "America by Heart".

Speaking of reality shows, Bristol Palin contends her mother didn't force her to be on "Dancing with the Stars". Bristol said it simply made good scents. She could either dance badly and smell sweat or be on her mom's show and smell fish guts.