Resolutions anyone can keep

I usually don't make New Year's resolutions because I never keep them. However, since it is the beginning of a new decade, I've decided that if at first I don't succeed, I should try and try again or blame it on my supervisor.

So here is a list of my resolutions for 2011:

I resolve to not make fun of Sarah Palin until she does something stupid again.

I resolve to eat only healthy meals between unhealthy snacks.

I resolve to support a green environment by walking to work. This shouldn't be too difficult since I work at home.

I resolve to not attend any stockholders' meeting where the board chairman insists that I hold the heavy pig.

I resolve to limit the reality TV shows I watch to "Dancing with the Stars", "American Idol" and "Desperate Housewives".

I resolve to send Christmas cards early. I'm thinking a good time will be July.

I resolve not to give any fruitcakes for holiday gifts because people keep returning my mother-in-law.

I resolve not to resolve to drop a few pounds because I have no intention of going shopping in England – not until the exchange rate gets better.

I resolve to let the constitution uphold itself so my hands will be free to text while driving.

Ok, now that I've have my fun, I'll get serious. I'm only making one resolution this year and that is not to make any.