As a comedy writer, I want to fire Rick Perry and rehire Donald Trump as a GOP presidential candidate. The Donald has funnier hair.
If the elephant never forgets, why can't Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann get their facts straight?
Some people think all the GOP presidential candidates are simply playing games. If that's the case, there are enough of them to quit the political race and form a basketball team.
Some people say if Michele Bachmann is elected president that she will rewrite history. If Elvis Pressley and John Wayne were alive, they'd say she already has.
There's one job Michele Bachmann would be worse at than president. She'd be terrible at writing questions and answers for Trivial Pursuit.
Mitt Romney says his $12 million, 3,000-square-foot California beach house is inadequate. I guess that's why he wants to move into public housing on Pennsylvania Ave.
Kim Kardashian's wedding gift registry included some spoons that sold for more than $1,200 each. I guess plastic spoons were too good for her.
Officials with eBay plan to build a facility in Utah and hire 2,200 people. The jobs will go to the highest online bidders.
I went to the hairdresser last week and said, "I'm going to a red carpet event, so fit my hair with something Versace or Vera Wang."
Whoever said two heads are better than one, probably did not try dying his or her own hair.
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