All I want for Christmas is . . .

'Tis the season to be jolly. I'm OK with that as long as I don't have to wear an elf costume. I hate pointy shoes.

When we put up our Christmas tree the other day, it was my turn to put the star on top. If I do say so myself, I chose a terrific picture of Justin Bieber.

Since I believe in living green, I bought a small artificial Christmas tree. It's scented and looks really great hanging from my rearview mirror.

After hearing all the horror stories about violent shoppers taking advantage of Black Friday sales, I'm convinced it should be called Black and Blue Friday.

My husband told me he was going to deck the halls with holly. I should be grateful, but I'm not. I thought he stopped seeing Holly.

My husband sure fooled me by donning his gay apparel and saying he was going out to sing, "Hark," with that angel, Harold.

All I want for Christmas this year is a sound proof room where the little drummer boy can practice.

December 1st is Eat a Red Apple Day. All I can say is an apple a day may keep the doctor away, but it won't make Bill Gates happy.

December 12 is National Ding-a-ling Day. It's appropriate because it's when my mother-in-law arrives for the holidays.

My mother-in-law is staying for a month. So, I don't have to do anything to get ready to celebrate December 31, which is National Unlucky Day.