Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Eye of Newt is on the Moon

Newt Gingrich wants to colonize the moon and petition for statehood. It is not a far-fetched concept to inhabit someplace other than Earth, considering women are from Venus and men are from Mars.

Colonizing the moon could give us insight on how to hold a moonbeam in your hand. But, living on the moon could never solve a problem like Maria.

If colonization failed, Moon leaders could blame the man in the moon. I'm pretty sure his name is Barack Obama.

Newt and other politicians on the moon wouldn't have to participate in the federal food stamp program. They could just issue government blue cheese.

A lot of people think the moon is too far away to seriously consider it as the 51st state. Well, it ain't that far away. I'm pretty sure you can see it from Sarah Palin's backyard.

The average day on the moon equals about 27 Earth days, but that's good. With the extreme range of temperatures, women will need that extra time to change clothes several times.

The difference in gravity would cause some problems though. For example, a 300-pound person would only weigh 45.3 pounds on the moon. That means producers of "The Biggest Loser" would have to work harder to find contestants.

A moon state tourism campaign would be expensive. They'd have to buy ASCAP rights to "Fly Me to the Moon".

Conservatives would probably have non-ending debates on what logo they should have for the state flag. They would probably only agree to rule out a crescent because it would look too Muslim.

I'm hoping they do colonize the moon so I can send my mother-in-law there. Then, I'd only have to see her once in a blue-haired moon.

Would earth science students at LSU – Lunar State University – be considered astronomy majors?

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