Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Enduring a TSA scan is a Totally Scary Affair

When Dorothy clicked the heels of her ruby red shoes and said, "There's no place like home," she was just frustrated by the hassle of going through airport security.

The Wizard of Oz would be a much longer movie if Dorothy and her friends had traveled by air to visit the wizard. They would have been delayed for hours when the Tin Man tried to pass through the TSA machine.

Because of an injury I have hardware in my ankles which always alerts the TSA scanner and leads to a full-body search that includes hand patting my breasts and butt. I guess in my case TSA means Touch Some Ass and Trace Sagging Assets.

I'm thinking the TSA system should be added to health care reform. Radiologists could be hired to read the scans. While they checking travelers for weapons, they can also screen for medical ailments.

Some people are angry that top government officials may be exempt from TSA scans. I don't see the problem because we all know that in many cases the scan will not detect a heart.

I should be embarrassed about the thought of what agents will see when I go through a TSA scanner. Due to all the extra weight I'm packing, the agent viewing the scan is the real terrorized victim.

It's a good thing Superman flies faster than a speeding bullet. He will need to make up the time lost when Clark Kent gets delayed for hours due to the TSA – which in his case means Totally Steel Abs.

I also hate the procedure of having to remove your shoes while passing through airport security. The person in front of me usually has really bad smelling feet.

When my momma told me to never go out in public with dirty underwear or holes in my socks, I'm pretty sure she knew that sooner or later I'd have to pass through a TSA machine.

While waiting for airline flights, I play Sudoku. And, I hate Sudoku for numbers of reasons – specifically one through nine.

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