Food thaws in Frozen Food Month

March is National Frozen Food Month. That surprises me. March is also the beginning of spring so that food is going to thaw.

I'm a terrible cook who burns everything. You'd think I could at least heat a frozen dinner. But last time I tried that, the dinner got freezer burn.

March is National Nutrition Month. I intend to celebrate it every day by letting my husband do all the cooking.

On March 10, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell placed the world's first telephone call to his assistant in the next room. That was as far as the string would stretch without coming loose from the tin cans.

On March 23, 1775, Patrick Henry became famous for declaring, "Give me liberty, or give me death!" If Barack Obama were to repeat those renowned words, Congress would reply, "Ok, name your poison."

On March 30, 1964, "Jeopardy" debuted on television. Since then, that decision has provoked a lot of questions.

The rest of Sarah Palin's e-mails have been released. I think the most interesting one she wrote stated: "Todd, on your way home, could you stop and get some milk?"

Well, we're now officially in the Lenten season. I've decided to give up picking on Republican presidential candidates who were smart enough to drop out of the contest.

A ham and cheese sandwich walked into a bar and the bartender said, "We can't serve you here. We're Kosher."

After the Academy Awards, people pondered how Angelina Jolie could stay so thin. I speculate it is because she never devours anything outside of the four basic food groups: celery, celery, celery and celery.

March is National Music In Our Schools Month, but some members of Congress haven't planned on celebrating. They said, "What? We thought we voted to cut funding for our schools?"