August brings UFO sightings

hI would like to contact a numerology expert. I want them to analyze the name of Pythagoras to determine how his character adds up.

They say good things come in sets of three. In this case, in three more months, dirt will settle from the election campaign.

I'm convinced some pro baseball players think they're holier than thou. Otherwise when they go from first to second base, they would uphold the commandment "Thou shalt not steal."

You can call me crazy if you want, but I saw UFOs last night. Yeppers, I opened my freezer and saw all kinds of unidentified frozen objects.

I always thought big butts ran in my family. But then I realized the reason they're big is because they don't run at all. They amble.

In Los Angeles, people are obsessed with being skinny. If you believe obesity experts there, two out of three people are really three out of four.

I'm so glad I don't have a job that requires me to punch a time clock. That would hurt my knuckles.

I consider myself a new age woman. Since I do, I'm declaring my new age as 27.

A very wise friend of mine told me I need to remember communication starts with listening. I think that's what he said, but I'm not sure because I wasn't listening.

My sister spends hours in the bathroom teasing her hair. Personally, I think that's a waste of time. My sister is a blond, so her hair isn't going to get her jokes.

SEE ME LIVE

FRIDAY, AUGUST 3 – 9 pm
Neon Venus Art Theater
The Bucket List Comedy Review
7023 Melrose Ave
West Hollywood, CA 90038
** $10 at the door

SATURDAY, AUGUST 11 – 9 pm
The Tribal Cafe Beverly
3253 Beverly Blvd,
Los Angeles, CA 90057
Open Mic: 7:00pm - 9:30pm.
Booked Show: 9:35pm - 10:05pm.
Comedy Etc: FEATURED GUESTS
Musical Guest: Rags Moody II
Feature Comic: Nancy Jo Perdue
Headliner: John Clark
** Free admission (But the food is inexpensive, healthy & delicious here)
http://tribalcomedy.blogspot.com/
http://la.eater.com/archives/2012/05/30/tribal_cafe_opens_new_location_in_sila_more_to_come.php

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 - 7 PM
Comics on the Spot
The Warehouse
4499 Admiralty Way
Marina del Rey
** $10 or two admitted for price of one
** No item minimum purchase required (but they have delicious seafood)