Move on Back, Mr. President

When Mitt Romney was in college he impersonated a police officer by dressing up, attaching a red light to a white Rambler and pulling people over to issue tickets. What was he thinking? I can't believe he drove a white Rambler.

The Morman Church reportedly invests money collected from tithing and donations to develop shopping malls. Architecturally speaking, this gives a whole new meaning to bridging The Gap.

Clowns attending a Clown Convention had a chance to test and practice some of their skills. For some clowns, the unplanned exam on balloon animal twisting literally was a pop quiz.

If you think God moves in strange ways, you should see the members of my Zumba class.

President Obama is touring Ohio in a customized bus. I understand the Secret Service officials are making the president ride in the back of the bus.

My friend pointed out that some members of the tea party are sour pusses. Maybe they just need a new tea recipe – one with a little less lemon and a lot more honey.

Just so you'll know, a stitch in time may save nine. But it will not guarantee you won't rip your britches again.

You can call me crazy if you wish. But last night, I saw a UFO. I went to get some ice cream, and when I opened my freezer, I found all kinds of unidentified frozen objects.

I recently lost 80 pounds. To keep it off, I made a vow never to buy anything unless it's on my grocery list. My friend scoffed and said, "Santa Claus has a list and checks it twice, but he's still fat."

My ex-husband used to accuse me of buying everything in the store when I'm hungry. I never did that. Everything wouldn't fit in our Mini-Cooper.

NANCY JO'S PERFORMANCE SCHEDULE:

SATURDAY, AUGUST 18 – 7 pm
Million Laughs Comedy Troupe
Women's Shelter
Near Bellflower, CA
*** PRIVATE SHOW
NOTE: For information on booking Million Laughs Comedy Troupe for your charity or corporate event, contact www.Millionlaughs.com

FRIDAY, AUGUST 24 – 8 pm (doors open at 6 pm)
Best of L.A. Comedy Showcase
The Comedy Spot Comedy Club – AKA – Don the Beachcomber
16278 Pacific Coast Highway
Huntington Beach, CA
** Go online to order 1/2 –price tickets
** $10 at the door
** Two item minimum purchase (Seafood reported to be delicious

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 3 – 7 pm
Comics on the Spot
The Warehouse
4499 Admiralty Way
Marina del Rey, CA
** $10 – or two for one cover
** No item minimum purchase required (Seafood reported to be delicious)